Sacrifice
by HistoryGeek1399
Summary: A/U. Alexandra Cabot is on the political fast track, with only one goal in mind, after an attack she hires Casey as her body guard. Casey Novak is a retired Marine, who drinks heavily to block out the memories. What happens when they start to have feelings for each other? What would you be willing to sacrifice for true love?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N; I own none of the unoriginal characters, this is a little different and a little darker than my normal stuff, it's an Alex/Casey end game but it will take awhile.**

_"Without sacrifice, true love is incomprehensible." Toba Beta._

District Attorney Alexandra Cabot, strode down the hall way of the courthouse her anger radiating from her in waves, her don't talk to me face keeping people at bay, as she started down the steps she saw the same group of protesters waiting for her as had been there that morning when she arrived at work. Taking a deep breath she put on her game face and continued her decent, as she drew level with them she felt something wet splash in her face looking down as the red stain started to spread across her beige jacket. As she stumbled backwards she felt a pair of hands grasp her arm, turning to shrug them off she came face to face with James her campaign manager and long-term friend.

"Are you hurt?" Unable to form a verbal response she settled for shaking her head 'no'. "Cars over there, come on let's get you out of here." Replied James his voice steady as always. Once they were safely in the back of the car he carefully checked Alex over as they sped down the street.

"What the hell just happened?" Asked Alex as her heart rate began to settle.

"Red paint." Grunted James as he attempted to wipe it from Alex's briefcase.

"James?" Snapped Alex.

"Sorry." Replied James with a small smile. "It seems your speech on, 'A woman's right to choose.' stirred up some emotion in the pro-life camp."

Rolling her shoulders Alex lent back against the seat, who knew running for office could be so exhausting or so dangerous? She had always been ambitious, graduating top of her class in law school, she went on to have one of the highest conviction rates in the DA's office, quickly becoming the youngest DA New York had ever elected, winning the election with a large margin. Now her sights were set on the Mayoral office, another step on her journey to the White House.

She had been so caught up in her thoughts she jumped when James tapped her arm, "We've arrived, just to give you a heads up there are some reporters milling about, you want to talk to them or shall I?"

"Can you deal with it?" Straightening her jacket and smoothing her hair, Alex stepped from the car keeping her expression somber as she made her way towards her door, ignoring the questions being yelled at her. Knowing James was better able to handle the press in situations like this than she was, her temper had a nasty habit of rising to the surface in the face of inane questions from the press.

Alex had just poured a measure of Scotch when James came in mumbling under his breath about 'stupid questions.', tipping the glass in his direction he shook his head no. Taking a deep breath James studied his friend, he knew what he was about to say wouldn't be welcomed, "Alex, I think we should talk about getting you some form of professional protection, today's events could have been a lot worse."

Alex looked up sharply at her friend, "I don't see why were taking this so seriously?"

"Alex, they got close enough to hurl paint over you, what if it had been acid? Or lighter fluid?" Asked James in an exasperated voice as he ran a hand through his mop of sandy hair.

"It was just paint, I'll be more careful next time. I really don't want an army of armed guards shadowing me everywhere I go, it's not exactly endearing to the voting public, especially blue-collar voters." Replied Alex.

"Will you stop thinking like a politician for a moment and really think about what could have happened?" Asked James in an unusually sharp voice.

"Because, we've worked too hard to throw it away over one incident." Replied Alex.

"What if it was just one person?" Asked James willing to compromise, seeing the brief hesitance in Alex's eyes he added, "Please Alexandra, for my peace of mind?"

"Fine, one person." Agreed Alex.

"Thank you, I'll make some calls and get you the best there is." Replied James his customary half-smile in place as he dropped a kiss on the top of Alex's head and left to make his calls.

Shaking her head at James over protectiveness she finished her drink and headed upstairs to take a shower. Stripping off she quickly stepped into the shower without waiting for the water to warm up, as the still cool water cascaded over her she began scrubbing the paint from her hair and chest. As the painted mixed with the water and trickled down the plug hole it looked so much like blood it made her breath catch, maybe James was right and having someone watching her back wasn't a bad idea.

Stepping out the shower, now free of paint Alex slipped into her sweats and Harvard hoodie before heading downstairs, finding James waiting for her in the lounge. He had his feet propped on the coffee table beer in hand, with the evening news playing on the large TV. The story of Alex's attack gaining coverage as supporters on both sides gave their opinions. She had to admit the footage of James coming to her aid was impressive, the red paint contrasting with her blonde hair and light jacket made for a striking impression.

As the story ended came to an end, James muted the TV and turned to Alex, "How you doing?"

Shrugging Alex replied, "Fine, I mean...these things happen, it might even help to soften the Ice Queen image."

"Might take more than paint." Teased James. "I spoke to Liz and she recommended calling Abbie Carmichael, so I arranged an appointment for tomorrow afternoon."

"That's fine." Replied Alex.

"Your not going to argue with me?" Asked James in a surprised voice.

"No, I think maybe, just this once you might be right." Replied Alex with a small smile.

"Wait, say that again?" Teased James.

"Haha. So,what else do we have planned for this week?" Asked Alex turning her attention to work matters.

The following morning the two arrived for their meeting with Abbie Carmichael, as they waited to be shown into her office Alex took in the pictures on the walls, one of a brunette and a redhead dressed in army fatigues, surrounded by tanks and the desert caught her attention. Before she could ponder on it for too long the door was opened and the brunette from the picture stepped out.

"Sorry for the delay, it's been one of those mornings." Holding her hand out to Alex and then James, she introduced herself, "I'm Abbie Carmichael and I of course know who you are."

"Thank you for seeing us so promptly." Replied James as they followed Abbie into her office.

"It's no trouble, I saw the report on the news last night, I'm assuming that's why you're here?"

Although she has addressed James it was Alex who replied, "Yes, although we only require one guard for lack of a better term."

Favouring the blonde with a small smile she replied, "That's no problem, although should you decided to go with my company, there will be two guards assigned to your account. Although only one will be with you at all times, they will trade-off in holidays and days off."

"That sounds acceptable." Replied James.

As Abbie and James discussed price, duties and starting dates Alex looked around the brunettes office, her eyes lighting on a picture of the brunettes and a familiar blonde, whose name she couldn't quiet recall, they were cradling a newborn baby between them, wearing matching smiles.

She was pulled from trying to remember the blondes name by James voice, "Anything to add Alex?"

"No, I'm good. Excuse me for asking but whose the blonde in the photograph?" She watched as a wide smile spread across the other woman's face as she looked at the photo.

"That's my wife, Serena Southerlyn and our eldest daughter Magen, actually you might know her she worked homicide for a while with Jack McCoy?"

"That's it, I knew I recognised the face." Replied Alex with a smile, rumour had it Serena had been fired for being gay, which was yet another reason she kept her own sexuality so well hidden. "Pass on my regards."

"I will." Replied Abbie with a smile as she showed her guests out.

—

The following morning Casey Novak groaned as her phone began ringing at what she deemed to be a far too early hour, reaching out she blindly her hand collided with several glasses and empty bottles before it found the offensive object. "'Ello."

"Casey? It's Abbie I have a job for you, if your interested?" Replied Abbie.

Sitting up Casey dragged a hand through her hair, "Sure, I'll swing by the office this afternoon."

"Great, Casey it's already the afternoon" Replied Abbie. "Just get your hungover ass down here as soon as you can."

"Sure." Replied Casey before hanging up and throwing her phone back on to the unit and looking at the woman asleep next to her, what was her name? Bella? Hillary? nope no idea, "Hey, wake up."

"What?" Asked the disgruntled blonde.

"You need to go." Replied Casey slipping from the sheets and heading for the bathroom. Tossing a "See yourself out." over her shoulder.

Stepping into the shower without waiting for the water to warm up she quickly washed before dry swallowing three pain killers and brushing her teeth. Walking back to her bedroom she was glad to see it empty as she padded to her wardrobe her foot collided with an empty bourbon bottle. Quickly getting dressed she picked up her keys and phone and let herself out, wincing as the harsh glare of afternoon sun hit her eyes, making her head throb. Arriving at Abbie's office she poured herself a coffee and quickly downed it before refilling her cup and taking a seat.

"Hey Case, come in." Smiled Abigail Carmichael, as Casey stood up she was pleased to note she seemed sober, letting out the breath she had been holding since her wife suggested Casey for the job.

"You said you had a job for me?" Asked Casey wasting no time on small talk.

"I'm fine, so are the kids and Serena." Grumbled Abbie under her breath as she showed the sullen redhead into the office, un-surprised when Casey didn't acknowledge her comments. She watched as the redhead threw herself down into the seat opposite her desk and once again questioned the wisdom of keeping her on the books, let alone giving her such a high-profile case. Realising Casey had spoken to her she shook her head, "Sorry, what did you say?"

"I asked, what the job was?" Relied Casey in a bored voice.

Abbie took a breath and tapped her pen against the desk. "You've heard of Alexandra Cabot, right?"

"The Ice Princess?" Replied Casey tipping the chair back onto two legs. "Yeah I've heard of her."

"She needs a guard, full-time, lots of travel and as you've heard she can be...difficult." Replied Abbie choosing her words carefully.

"And you instantly thought of me?" Asked Casey with a smirk.

"Something like that." Replied Abbie with a smirk of her own.

"When do I start?" Asked Casey not missing a beat.

"You know you'll have to be sober right?" Asked Abbie, knowing Casey had drunk a large amount since leaving the military

"I'm good." Replied Casey aware of how close they were to mentioning things she didn't want it talk about.

"Case..."

"I said I'm good, if you doubt me then get someone else to guard the princess." Snapped Casey standing to leave, when Abbie spoke.

"Casey, there is no one better, I just had to make sure your head was on straight." Replied Abbie, sliding a file across the desk. "That's all the information we have, you need to be at the address listed at seven sharp tomorrow morning. Providing Cabot is happy with you, you'll start there and them. You'll check in with me daily and trade-off with Benson for holidays and days off."

"Thanks." Replied Casey picking up the folder she had reached the door when she turned back to the brunette, "I won't let you down."

"I know." Replied Abbie with an encouraging smile.

Arriving home Casey read through the folder nursing a glass of bourbon as she was about to pour a second glass she decided it would be better if she got an early night. She wanted to make a good impression the following morning, not wanting to let Abbie down. Waking up early the following morning she pulled on her jeans, a button down shirt and a fitted jacket she picked up her gun slipping it into her shoulder holster and headed out the door.

As she pulled up she took note if the large house and fought the urge to take a swig of whiskey from her flask tucked under her car seat, after all it wasn't even seven in the morning. Taking a deep breath she stepped from the car and knocked on the door, as she waited for it to be answered she surveyed the drive way looking for blind spots and potential hiding places.

She was pulled from her thoughts by an amused voice asking, "You must be Miss Novak?"

Turning she smiled at the man who had answered James Simms, was Cabot's campaign manager and if the papers were to be believed boyfriend. "That's me."

"Well come in." Once they were inside he showed her into the dining room, "There's fresh coffee and croissants if you want anything? Alex will be down shortly."

"Just coffee for me, black no sugar thank you." Replied Casey. Ten minutes later the blonde she recognised as Alexandra Cabot walked into the room, putting her coffee down she rose to greet the blonde.

"Alex, this is Casey Novak. Casey, this is Alexandra Cabot." Introduced James.

Reaching out a hand Casey forced a smile to her face, "It's a pleasure to meet you..."

Ignoring the outstretched hand Alex replied, "It's not a pleasure it's a business arrangement. Please have the car brought around we need to leave in the next twenty minutes." Before turning her attention to James, who gave Casey an apologetic smile as she walked out the door.

Slamming the door behind her Casey mumbled, _"This is going to be so much fun. I hope I don't let Abbie down by shooting Miss Prissy pants myself."_


	2. Chapter 2

_"You can sacrifice and not love. But you cannot love and not sacrifice." Kris Vallotton._

Watching as Casey strode out of the room James gave a quiet chuckle, _this was going to be interesting._ Hiding his smile behind his coffee cup, James sat opposite the blonde and waited for to look up from the paper she was intently studying.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" Asked Alex looking up from the article about her main opponent she was reading.

"Just making sure it's still there." Replied James with a shrug.

Frowning Alex asked, "Checking what's still where?"

"Just making sure the Ice Crown is still in place." Smirked James.

"Haha aren't you the funny one this morning?" Replied Alex with a raised eyebrow.

"You could have at least shaken her hand Alex, she's the one who will take a bullet for you...or at least a face full of red paint."

"Fine I'll be nice." Sighed Alex turning her attention back to the paper.

Before James could reply Casey knocked and stepped back into the room, "The car will be ready when you are, Miss Cabot." She turned to James, "I'll need the itinerary for the following day at the close of business each day."

"No problem, I can give you a weekly schedule if that's better?" Replied James standing.

"Daily is better, less chance of leaks. Unless it's overnight travel and then as much notice as possible would be appreciated." Replied Casey.

"As you wish, I'll go and get you today's and tomorrow's." Replied James as he headed for the door when he was level with Casey he whispered, "I know it won't be easy, but try not to shoot her on your first day." Giving the redhead a wink he left the room.

Suppressing her laughter Casey remained standing by the door, as she watched the blonde study something on her tablet, she allowed her eyes to roam around the room. The house screamed money, it was like a museum there was no warmth in any of the rooms, no personal touches. As she looked at the art, the furniture and even the books it felt staged as if it was all for show. Either the blonde had no personality or the house was just an accessory.

Her observations were halted by the blondes voice, "The silverware is all marked."

Swallowing down a snarky reply Casey forced herself to stay calm, "I have no interest in your silverware or anything else you own, I was admiring your Alphonse Mucha."

Sitting back in her seat Alex raised an eyebrow, "You know Mucha?"

"Of course, my favourite is Princezna Hyacinta." Replied Casey.

"Now I really am impressed." Smiled Alex.

"You think just because I'm the help, I'm uneducated?" Asked Casey.

"No, of course not, Princezna Hyacinta is my favourite too." Replied Alex.

"I'm full of surprises." Smirked Casey.

Before Alex could reply James came back in and handed Casey the itinerary for the following day and explained the dress code for the charity event the following evening and that they would be spending two nights in Boston towards the end of the month.

Two hours later they were in one of the poorer areas of New York, as Casey watched the blonde interact with the children she was surprised at the warmth in her smile. Hidden behind her mirrored sunglasses Casey allowed her eyes to roam over the blonde's body, there was no doubt the blonde was beautiful. Her light blue sweater clinging to her curves, the dark jeans and knee-high boots extenuating her long legs. As the blonde smiled at a little girl who handed her some flowers, Casey was struck by the sparkle in the blondes eyes.

Looking up she saw James watching her with a strange smile on his face, she could feel a blush covering her cheeks as she called for the car to pick them up. As they were waiting for the car a large set man approached them, making sure to move so she was between the blonde and the approaching man.

"My son was just nineteen when your office framed him for raping that white girl."

"Sir, you need to calm down and step back." Replied Casey in a calm but firm voice.

"Screw you!" Replied the enraged man trying to get around Casey.

"Sir, I assure you I've never framed anyone, if you give me your son's name I'll be sure to look into it." Replied Alex smoothly.

He snarled, "Sure you will." At Alex before addressing Casey again, "I'm warning you for the last time, move."

"And I'm warning you to step back." Replied Casey not moving an inch as the man tried to barge past her. "Alex, James get in the car."

Poking a finger in Casey's chest he yelled, "Move you..."

Was as far as he got before Casey's patients ran out grabbing the hand that was being poked in her chest she twisted it so his arm was behind his back and forced him down on the bonnet of the car, "You've been warned nicely and now I'm telling you, come near her again in anything but a calm and civilised way and I'll break your arm. Do you understand?" Getting no response she added a little more pressure and growled, "I said do you understand?"

"Yes." Snapped the man.

Moving back so he could stand up Casey released her grip, "Good, now give me your name and I'll make sure Cabot looks in to his case, I give you my word one ex-Marine to another."

"Scott Jenkins." Replied the man, "How'd you know?"

"It's the walk." Smiled Casey. "Now get out of here before she calls the cops."

"You promise, you'll get her to look into it? My son might not be perfect but he isn't a rapist."

"I promise." Replied Casey.

"Thank you."

"Go." Replied Casey, she waited until he was around the corner before getting into the car.

"Remind me never to upset you." Said James as they pulled into traffic.

"He didn't really mean any harm, his sons nam is Jenkins, Scott Jenkins." Replied Casey.

"I'm just thankful the press had already left, that would have looked great in the papers tomorrow. If he didn't mean any harm, why did you try to break his arm?" Asked Alex.

"Because my main priority is to make sure you are safe, the best way to do that was to make sure he wasn't in any shape to come after you. Besides, his arm will be fine."

Considering Casey's words Alex nodded and replied, "I'll look into his son's case tonight."

The rest if the journey was spent in silence, once they arrived back at Alex's house, Casey insisted on going inside with them and checking everything was as it should be, once they were in the lounge she addressed Alex again, "I'm sorry if you felt I was out of line earlier."

"It's what I expected from someone like you. You can leave now." Replied Alex pouring a dark and keeping her back to the redhead.

Sending a death glare at the blondes back Casey said her goodnight and left the house, for the second time that day hoping she wasn't going to be the one to shoot the blonde.

Once Casey had left the room James looked at Alex who was pouring herself a measure of Whisky and attempting to look uninterested at the echo of the slamming door, "You do know she's armed right?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Asked Alex looking up from the paper she was 'reading'.

"It means, don't be such a bitch to people who carry guns and use them for a living." Replied James with an eye-roll.

"Well she was unprofessional, I was just letting her know her place." Replied Alex with a shrug. Truth be told she had thought the redhead was stunning, the tight jeans and the gun just showing under her jacket gave her an edgy look, the power she had shown as she had controlled the situation gave Alex butterflies. That was something she couldn't afford to dwell on.

"More like you wanted to jump her, there and then." Replied James with a grin.

"I hardly think so." Hissed Alex a blush colouring her cheeks.

"Whatever you say." Replied James.

"What's on the agenda for tomorrow?" Asked Alex.

"We have the children's hospital in the morning and then the charity ball at the Natural History Museum. Do you have a date or will you need me to suit up?"

"I have a date, thank you, but as its a charity event your coming along as well and I suppose we have to take the hired gun." Replied Alex.

Nodding James asked, "Please tell me it's not that moron Biggs?" Sighing when he saw Alex nod, "Even as a fake boyfriend you could do better."

"He's good company." Replied Alex.

"He's a tool!" Exclaimed James.

Giving a smile Alex replied. "Maybe, but the public seem to like him, he's a distinguished ex-Marine, looks good on my arm and he doesn't get too amorous."

"Al, at some point your going to have to come out of the closet, you know that right?" Asked James his voice gentle. "Jill..."

Throwing the paper down Alex sent James an icy stare, "We. Are. Not. Having. This. Conversation." making sure to enunciated each word slowly and clearly.

Gulping slightly, James decided not to drop the topic, "Okay, calm down. Al, I love you and I want you to be happy."

"I am happy, I'll be even happier once I'm in the White House, then I'll have everything I've ever wanted." Replied Alex.

"Really? Because, I saw the look in your eyes when you saw the picture on Abbie's desk, you've always wanted kids."

"So?" Asked Alex.

"So, you deserve to be happy and not just successful. You deserve to be loved and share your life with someone who deserves you, not someone because 'the people like him and done doesn't get too amorous'." Replied James.

"James, I've told you I have no intention of having a serious relationship or a family, my career comes first." Started Alex.

"No, that's what you tell yourself and the press." Replied James. "But we both know it's a crock, just because you've had your heart-broken once doesn't mean you should close it off to the possibility of love in the future."

"Enough." Snapped Alex as they came dangerously close to a topic that was forbidden.

Knowing he had pushed his luck enough James sighed, "Fine, but when you're ready to talk, I'm here."

Giving a tense nod Alex left the room, walking in to her study she closed the door and leaned back against it, closing her eyes tight against the tears she could feel pricking the back of her eyes. James was right the person she pretended to be, the person the press, the people, hell even her own family thought she was didn't exist. Walking to her desk she reached out to open the bottom draw her hand hesitation over the handle, as her fingertips brushed for cold brass handle she yanked it back as if burned.

Leaning forward she rested her head in her hands, she couldn't do this now, she needed to focus she was so close she couldn't afford to dwell on the past, there was nothing to be gained from it. Sitting back in her chair she took a few breaths and tried reading over her notes for the following day, checked email and even tried to work out a few puzzles on The Curse, but her eyes kept straying to the bottom draw.

Standing she poured a large measure of whiskey and opened the draw pulling oust the box, she picked up the bottle of whiskey as she left the study and climbed the stairs to her bedroom. Sitting on her bed she tentatively opened the box as if afraid of what lay inside, picking up the picture at the top of the pile she brought it to her lips pressing a soft kiss to it.

Looking down at the picture of her sitting next to a brunette, a small bundle held in their arms wearing matching smiles, gently putting it aside she picked up another of her and the brunette in front of the Eiffel Tower sharing a chaste kiss, she remembered the picture had been taken by a random person walking past. Lifting out a small tin decorated with Snoopy she lifted the lid and tipped the contents into her hand, as she traced her thumb across the inscription on the gold band, she allowed her mind to recall things she didn't normally dwell on.

_Alex was fifteen when she met James Simms when they both went for the same book on Margaret Thatcher, they became friends instantly. Her world shifted when she met his twin sister Jill a few weeks later. Within days Alex was enthralled by Jill, the way she talked so passionately about art and tennis and the way she looked when she smiled, a mouth later they shared their first kiss under the stars at the Simms family cabin. From that moment onwards they were inseparable, even when Jill spent a year in Paris after college and Alex was away at law school, they wrote letters and talked on the phone very chance they got._

_After school Alex started work at the DA's office whilst Jill taught art in a local school, Jill knew Alex had ambitions and was happy for their relationship to stay hidden, even if it meant they faced awkward questions at times. On Alex's twentieth birthday, Jill arranged a commitment ceremony for the two of them at the very lake they shared their first kiss, sixteen months later Ally was born._

_Everything was perfect for two years, until a newspaper published an article in which Alex said she was single, that was the last straw for Jill, she didn't mind keeping their relationship a secret but she was sick of watching men fawning over Alex and the blonde flirting back._

_"I can't do this anymore Alex, I love you with all my heart but you can't keep denying we exist, it's not fair to me and it's certainly not fair to Ally." Yelled Jill._

_Alex was so taken back, Jill never yelled she was always so calm, "I just need a little longer, I promise just a few more months."_

_"There are no more months Alex. It's now or never." Replied Jill her voice broken._

_"Jill..."_

_"Forget it Alex." Replied Jill, picking up Ally she walked out of the door, intending to drive to her brother's house._

_That was that was the last time Alex saw them, three hours later there was a knock at the door, "Miss Cabot?" Asked the uniformed officer._

_"Yes." Snapped Alex._

_"May we come in?"_

_"I'm very busy." Replied Alex._

_"It's about Miss Simms." Stepping aside Alex showed them into the lounge, still littered with Ally's toys."I'm afraid there was an accident, Miss Simms car was hit by a drunk driver, I'm afraid she was pronounced dead at the scene."_

_Alex felt as if all the air had been sucked from her lungs, she tried to get her voice to work to ask about Ally but nothing would come out. Slumping down on the sofa her hand found Ally's stuffed rabbit, bringing it to her chest she looked up at the two officers watching her, "Ally?"_

_"I'm afraid she succumbed to her wounds on the way to the hospital." Replied the officer his voice gentle._

_Those were the last words Alex heard before the darkness overtook her, waking up later she was in her bed, James sitting in the chair next to it. She wanted him to tell her it had all been a nightmare, but the pain was clear in his eyes, eyes so like his sisters and nieces it tore at her heart, making it break all over again._

_A week later as she stood at the graveside watching as the two people she loved most in the world were buried, as the tears and rain mixed in her cheeks, it was as if her heart had stopped beating and was being buried alongside the love of her life and their child._

The weeks after the accident passed in a blur of tears and anger, the driver who hit Jill had died on impact so there was no trial, but Alex still wanted someone to pay for taking away her lover and daughter so she went after the bar that sold him the alcohol, drunk driving become a key point in her campaigns.

As she remembered her tears turned to sobs as she clutched the stuffed rabbit in her hands, fighting to breath through the pain.

Walking past Alex's room James could hear her sobs, quickly heading backdown stairs he slipped into Alex's office, seeing the bottom draw of her desk slightly open and the bottle of whiskey missing, feeling his shoulder sag. He turned and headed back up the stairs, slipping into Alex's room he climbed on to her bed and pulled his sobbing friend into his arms, holding her as the sobs turned to tears, which turned to sniffles before becoming the sleep breaths of someone who had cried themselves to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N; This chapter explains Casey's history, I'm not sure if it's any good...Leave your thoughts. **

_"Sacrifice is a part of life. It's supposed to be. It's not something to regret. It's something to aspire to." Mitch Albom._

Arriving home Casey threw her keys into the bowl and kicked off her boots, heading for the fridge she pulled out a beer, draining it in two long swallows. After a few seconds of internal debate, she opened the door and pulled out another bottle, popping the cap she headed towards her bedroom. After changing into sweats and an old Naval academy t-shirt, she slumped down on the sofa flicking on the TV, flipping through the channels until she landed on Sports Centre.

Just as she was starting to relax her cell phone started blaring Abbie's tone, "I didn't shoot her if that's what you're worried about." Laughed Casey in way of a greeting.

"Actually, I called to see if you wanted to come by for dinner?...And to make sure you didn't shoot her." Replied Abbie a smile in her voice as she realised Casey sounded happy.

"Thanks, but its been a long day and her highness wants me back bright and early tomorrow, whilst she prepares for a charity dinner, which I have to then attend. Rain check?" Asked Casey.

"Sure, anytime. So how was your first day?" Asked Abbie.

"Okay, I only had to resist the urge to shoot her five times and deal with one threat, which I neutralised quickly, although she wasn't overly impressed with my tactics. James seems nice and Cabot has flashes of warmth, so all in all it wasn't a bad day."

"Good, let me know when you want a day off and I'll make sure Benson is good to go." Replied Abbie.

"Thanks Abbie. Not just for the job, but for putting up with me and keeping me from eating my gun, more times than I can count. I know I've not been a good friend recently, I promise I'll try to be better to you and your family." Replied Casey, hanging up before Abbie could reply.

Throwing her phone down on the table, she made herself a sandwich before settling back on the couch with her laptop, intending to do a little research on the blonde she was protecting.

The more she read about the blonde, the more impressed she became, the cases she had handled and her success rate showed she was intelligent and not just skating by thanks to her connections. As she read about the blondes rise through the ranks in the District Attorneys office and her victory at became the youngest DA to be elected, she began to consider that maybe Alex wasn't a spoiled rich kid after all.

Just after midnight she decided to put the research aside and turn in for the night, as she climbed into bed that night she realised it was the first time in a long time she had gone to bed sober. She'd only been asleep two hours when she started thrashing beneath the covers.

_As she crawled through the blistering sand, she could hear the bullets pinging off the ground around her, she felt a searing pain shoot through her shoulder, fighting the urge to throw up she kept crawling forward, her eyes fixed on her goal. She heard the 'man down' call but continued her slow agonising crawl until she reached Abbie who was unconscious, blood flowing from the wound in abdomen._

_"We need a medic!" Shouted Casey as she pressed her hands over the wound, "Come on Carmichael, Serena will kill me if I don't get you home safe."_

_"Tell her...tell her I love...love her and our girl..." Whispered Abbie as her eyes drifted closed._

_"You can tell her yourself." Replied Casey in a firm voice. Turning her head she yelled, "Where's the damn medic!"_

_"Right here Sargent." Came a soft voice._

_Turning her head her heart did a flip at the sight of Sargent Brooke Wills, they had been together since high-school and joined up together. As relieved as she was to see the doctor she hated her lover was in danger. "She's been shot, I think it went through her vest."_

_"Okay." Replied Brooke her voice as calm as always as she set about assessing Abbie, as a firefight raged around them. "Pick up is three minutes out. She'll be okay Case, she's a fighter and she knows Serena will kick her ass if she doesn't get herself home safe for the big day."_

_"Okay." Replied Casey as the noise died down. "I need to check on everyone else. Keep your head down." Lowering her voice she whispered, "I love you Sargent Wills."_

_"I love you too Sargent Novak. Case, you're bleeding be careful." Whispered Brooke as she watched the woman she loved step out into the line of fire to check on her squad mates. She was glad this was their last tour, they had both put their papers in and were planning on starting a family._

_Ten minutes later Abbie and another injured solider were loaded into armoured ambulances, Brooke climbing in with Jones who needed the most medical attention. She watched as the trucks pulled out, they had only gone a few hundred yards, when the sky erupted in a flash of light, as a ball of flames engulfed the truck holding Brooke and Jones._

_As the metal and body parts landed around her, she couldn't move all she could hear was someone screaming Brooke's name, it wasn't until she felt a hand on her shoulder she realised it was her screaming. "Sarge, we need to move."_

_Then she saw him, a tall dark-haired figure a rocket launcher still in his grip, without a second thought she rushed towards him, pulling her gun as she went. As she approached her boots crunched on something looking down she saw what looked like part of an arm, as the thought it might have been Brooke's crossed her mind her steps faltered, giving the killer time to pull a knife and charge at her._

_As they clashed she was vaguely aware of the knife biting in to her skin, but her rage and adrenaline pushing her onwards as she swung blow after blow at him, her injured shoulder making her movements slow and clumsy. She found herself on the floor her attacker above her his knife raised to deliver a fatal blow when a gunshot sounded killing him instantly._

_As she laid on the hot sand, her blood pooling around her, the smell of the destroyed truck invading her senses and the hot sun blinding her she couldn't bring herself to move, she just wanted to close her eyes and be with Brooke._

_It wasn't until the medics tried to move her to safety, she realised how much pain she was in, she began to panic as she struggled to get enough air into her lungs, as the darkness closed over her she could see Brooke smiling at her, then she was shot by the rocket launcher killer his high laughter blaring as Brooke crumbled to the floor in a puddle of blood._

As Casey bolted up in bed, her hair was plastered to her forehead, sweat soaking through her t-shirt, reaching out she grasped her gun and silently climbed from the bed and crept into the hallway. As she systematically searched her apartment for an intruder she knew wasn't really there, she could feel her hands trembling. Once she reached her bedroom she threw her gun away from her as if she was afraid to hold it in her hands and slumped down on the bed with her head in her hands.

As she thought of Brooke, who was so kind, patient and gentle, who was willing to sacrifice her life to help those injured on the battlefield. Who always had a kind word and a smile for everyone, who never got to live her life, walk through Paris in the rain and ride an Elephant in India she felt her tears start to fall.

As she thought of all the plans they had made, to learn to surf, drive Route 66 on Casey's Harley ...starting a family, all that died that day in the desert along side Brooke, turning her tears becoming heart braking sobs.

As she thought of the dark months after returning from hospital, of the conversations she had shared with Brooke's parents and the guilt at knowing she missed the funeral of her lover, she found herself fighting for air.

An hour later she finally had control over her emotions, standing from the her bed she walked into the bathroom, stepping into the shower before the water had even began to warm up. As the cold water cascaded over her head, raising goose-bumps on her skin she thought about Abbie and Serena. After loosing Brooke she had gone to a dark place, more than once she had drunk so much she passed out, only to wake up and find one of her friends watching over her, their eyes full of sympathy and worry. Watching over her even as Abbie recovered from her own injury, they started their business and started their own family.

She would find her gun missing, her apartment stripped of all knives and pills, her alcohol missing. They would take her anger and the horrid things she would yell at them, it had all come to a head when she all but blamed Abbie for everything that had happened to Brooke. The pain and guilt in her friends eyes finally snapping her from her dark place enough to make her realise Brooke would have hated the person she had become and she needed to start living again. She knew without a doubt that had it not been for her friends she would long since have eaten her gun or drunk herself to death.

As she stepped out of the shower she stared at her reflection in the mirror, something she tried to avoid normally, she took in her eyes red from crying, ringed with tiredness, the small scar over her left eye brow where she had fallen from her motorbike after trying to ride it drunk. A smirk tugging at her lips as she remembered not even being able to climb on it before she fell off the other side hitting her head and passing out.

As her eyes traveled to the scar on her shoulder where the bullet had stuck, closing her eyes she lightly trailed her fingertips over the slightly raised skin as she imagined it was Brooke's healing touch she was feeling. Swallowing deeply she forced herself to open her eyes, letting her gaze wander down to the deep criss-cross of scars that covered her chest and torso.

As she ran her fingers over the raised scars that had almost cost her, her life she gave a bitter smile as she recalled everyone telling her she was lucky to be alive, she didn't feel lucky, she felt lost, alone and so angry at everything she had lost.

She was pulled from her thoughts by the bleeping of her alarm clock, turning her alarm off she decided to get breakfast on her way to work. As she walked into the garage to get in her car her eyes landed on her bike, she hadn't ridden it in months but today something drew her towards it.

As she pulled into the early morning traffic and opened the throttle she felt a familiar thrill at the engine beneath her and automatic smile tugging at her lips.

-  
Alex was woken by the sunlight streaming through her open curtains, sitting up gingerly she could feel a pounding in her head as the effects of the Scotch she had drunk and the emotions of the night before caught up with her. As she looked around her she could see James had cleared up, putting the box and pictures away.

Climbing out of bed she took a long shower before getting dressed and heading down stairs, walking in to the dining room she saw James reading the paper and sipping his coffee, "Good morning."

"Morning, how you feeling this morning?" asked James.

"I'm doing okay." replied Alex with a small smile. "Thank you, for last night and clearing up."

"You snore." Replied James with a warm smile. As was their ritual to keep things light after night like the one before, there had been many and he had held her each time. Then, there were nights Alex would be the one to comfort him when the loss if his sister and niece became too much.

"Whatever." Replied Alex as she headed to her office to pick up a folder she needed for the day.

Walking to her office window she watched as a motorbike pulled into the drive way, she watched as the driver swung their leg over the machine and pulled off their helmet. As she watched Casey shake out her long red hair out she felt an unfamiliar stirring of butterflies in her stomach, before she was struck by a wave of guilt.

As James watched Alex from the doorway he smiled sadly to himself as he watched the emotions play out across her face. Alex deserved to be happy and loved, she deserved a family. He just wasn't sure she would ever allow herself to be happy and love again with so much guilt in her heart. He hoped one day she would allow someone past her defences, and as would stop hiding who she really was from the world. As he watched Casey deflect Alex's usual sarcasm with an eye-roll he wondered if Casey would be that person.


	4. Chapter 4

"_It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live." Alexandre Dumas._

As Casey listened to Alex giving her speech that afternoon, she began to worry she would do permanent damage to her eyes if she kept rolling them, just as she bit back her third smirk in as many platitude's she realised Alex was glaring at her from the stage. Gulping she realised they were going to have a _'conversation' _once they were in the car.

The car ride as it turned out was spent with the blonde on the phone yelling at a reporter that spelt her name wrong, pulling up outside the house Alex pinned Casey with a glare. "My office now."

"Of course." Replied Casey, biting back a laugh as James made a finger wagging motion, behind Alex's back.

"Was there something funny in my speech Miss Novak?" Asked Alex with a raised eyebrow, as soon as the door closed behind Casey.

"No, I'm sure the voters were thrilled to hear, that '_They're your number one concern, because we're all in this together'_. As the watched you climbed into your luxury car and had your chauffeur drive you home to your mansion." Shrugged Casey.

"What do you suggest?" Asked Alex leaning back in her seat and fixing Casey with an icy stare.

"What do you know about cramped housing? Being sick with no health insurance? Being gay in the military?" Asked Casey matching Alex's glare.

"Just because I haven't experienced these things it doesn't mean I don't care about those who have." Replied Alex.

"Caring isn't the same as understanding." Replied Casey.

"So explain it to me?" Replied Alex indicating the seat opposite her desk.

"Okay, my mom got sick when I was a teenager, my dad worked three jobs and sold everything he had to get her treatment and it still wasn't enough. She died at home, in pain knowing she left us destitute. She was a good women, she was a kindergarten teacher who went to church every Sunday and would help anyone, she didn't deserve to die like that, no one deserves to die like that. How can you tell someone you understand, when you have all of this?" Asked Casey indicating the richly decorated room.

As Alex had listened to Casey talk, she had found herself wanting to reach out and offer her comfort. "You think having money saves you from death? I've lost people, to illness, I watched my father die of cancer, all our money and connections couldn't save him."

"I'm sorry, I really am but it's not the same. You have a safety net, a big one. You try living payday to payday, fearing an increase in the rent for the crappy two bedroom apartment you and your family live in, with no running water, no heating and as many cockroaches as you like. Fearing your kid needing new shoes or books for school." Replied Casey.

Alex felt the familiar thrill of a challenge as she looked across at Casey, "Your right I don't know what that's like, I wont apologise for that. How do you suggest I help these people?"

"Instead of sympathising, help them. I've seen your record you're an amazing prosecutor, go after the slum lords and the employers who exploit these people. Teach them to trust the authorities and the courts. Help them help themselves, whats that saying about teaching people to fish?"

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime." Replied Alex.

"That's the one, better than patronising them by pretending to understand their plight." Replied Casey.

"And how do you suppose I do that?" Asked Alex.

"You think I'm wrong?" Asked Casey.

Shaking her head Alex replied, "I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm asking how you, the average voter, think I can achieve connecting with the people?"

Giving a wry smile and a shrug of the shoulders Casey replied, "That's your department."

"I think I'm going to like having you around." Smiled Alex.

"Oh pray tell?" Replied Casey, her trademark smirk in place.

"You're fun to spar with and who knows, you may even be useful." Replied Alex.

"Well, I hope you remember me when you're President." Replied Casey standing. "I'm going to head home and change for your event later. The car is arriving at seven, so I'll be back by six."

"Okay, drive safely on that death trap of yours." Replied Alex. "And don't forget your toothbrush."

"Your just jealous, my ride is cooler than yours." Replied Casey with a wink as she left the room, calling out a goodbye to James, making sure to give her engine a loud rev as she pulled away.

Walking into Alex's office James could see her staring out of the window a smile playing on her lips. Clearing his throat he waited until he had her attention, "Would you like to go over your speech with me? Or are you waiting for Casey to return?"

"Haha, actually she gave me a few things to think about, I think I want to make a few changes before I share it." Smiled Alex.

"Okay, when your ready." Replied James. "You know she reminds me of Jill a little, full of opinions and ready to fight to make them heard."

"I guess." Replied Alex with a shrug, she had thought the same thing but wasn't ready to voice it out loud yet.

"She'd want you to be happy." Replied James as if sensing Alex's turmoil.

"James.."

Holding up his hands he stood to leave, "I know, but if...when you need to talk I'm here. No matter what you will always be my sister, even if you meet someone new and have the life you deserve."

"James. Thank you." Smiled Alex, turning her attention to her laptop as she began reworking her speech for that evening.

Arriving at the museum Casey did a quick walk around, luckily the protesters seemed to have got bored and moved on, at least for now. Finding a spot where she could watch the blonde without tripping over her, she prepared herself for a long evening. An hour later she was debating another walk around just to break up the monotony, when the blonde took to the small stage area to give her speech she remained in place enthralled by the blondes commanding presence.

As she watched Biggs smile at those around him she rolled her eyes, the man had always been a snake. She had tried to ignore him, since the uncomfortable introduction and found herself having to constantly bite back her laughter as James made what can only be described as obscene gestures behind his back as well as rolling his eyes at everything the moron said.

As she listened to some big wig introduce the blonde she let her eyes once more wander over the blue dress Alex was wearing, Casey was no fashion expert but she knew what she liked and she liked Alex in the dress. It showed off her curves and was sexy without being ostentatious, the shade bringing out the blue in her eyes. Shaking her head to clear it she tried to focus on the blondes words.

"Ladies and gentleman, before I begin I would like to thank you all for coming this evening, your support is always appreciated. As a I was getting ready tonight I laid out three dresses with shoes to match and as I did so I realised two things. Firstly, I have far more power suits than anyone woman could ever need." She paused to let the small burst of laughter die down.

"Secondly, the cost of those three dresses and shoes could feed, house and provide medical insurance for three families. Then as I looked around my home, I realised that many in this city would never have a fraction of the wealth, comfort or safety that I have. That ladies and gentlemen is a tragedy, but it's one we as the fortunate in society can help combat."

"So tonight instead of asking for donations to my campaign, I'm asking you to donate the cost of your outfit to a local charity. Be it a rape centre, a school, a youth centre or a scholarship, let's start making the future brighter for everyone." As she stepped down she looked across at Casey, the smile on the redheads face filling her stomach with butterflies.

Ten minutes later Casey was back in her corner, watching the room. "Would you like a drink?" Offered the pretty brunette waitress.

"No thank you." Replied Casey with a small smile, although she would have loved nothing more than a glass or two of wine or Wild Turkey.

"It tastes nice." Leaning closer she added, "Although not as good as me."

"I'm afraid I'm working, otherwise I'd love a...taste." Replied Casey with a small smirk.

As Alex watched Casey flirt with the waitress she shifted uncomfortably, she could see the redhead was interested from her body language. As she felt her anger build she put it down to be annoyed that Casey was flirting when she should have been working. Reaching across she whispered in Biggs ear, taking his hand she allowed him to lead her outside.

As she scanned the room Casey suddenly realised she couldn't spot the blonde, taking a breath she scanned the room slowly, still not seeing the blonde she decided to check the lady's room before panicking. Finding no sign of the blonde she searched the room methodically before heading outside to look for Alex, she froze when she saw the blonde pressed against the wall, Biggs running his hands all over her.

Without fully processing the emotion coursing through her she shoulder barged the man to the floor, quickly pinning his hands behind his back, "Are you okay Miss Cabot?"

"Get off of me!" Yelled Biggs as he struggled in her grip. Casey felt a smug sense of satisfaction that he was face down on the ground.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Hissed Alex, aware they were drawing a crowd.

"My job." Replied Casey, reluctantly pulling Biggs to his feet and releasing her hold on him.

"I should report you to the police." Growled Biggs stepping into Casey's personal space.

"Move. Unless you want to taste the ground again?" Replied Casey, her voice like Ice.

Before he could reply Alex stepped between them, "Enough. Casey go inside, I'll deal with you later."

The rest of the evening was spent with Alex and Casey exchanging heated glares and clipped words. Arriving back at Alex's house Casey followed Alex into her office knowing an argument was coming, "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was doing my job." Replied Casey, keeping her face blank.

"You knew exactly who he was when you barged him to the floor." Replied Alex.

"You, hired me to keep you safe, that means you can't just wander off that." Snapped Casey.

"I'm a grown woman and I can do what the hell I want." Replied Alex.

"It's my job to keep you safe, I can't do that if I don't know where you are." Replied Casey.

"I was perfectly safe." Replied Alex.

Closing her eyes as the image of the blonde in Biggs arms invaded her mind once again making her stomach twist unpleasantly, "I wasn't to know that." Replied Casey her voice calmer.

"Maybe if you hadn't been flirting with the waitress, you'd have noticed I left." Snapped Alex.

As James watched their argument he found himself suppressing a smile, he could almost feel the jealousy radiating from both women. "Maybe, we should all calm down and finish this discussion in the morning?"

"Fine." Growled Alex, finally braking eye contact with Casey. "I'm going to bed."

Once the blonde had left without another word to either James or Casey, he looked at Casey a smile on his face, "Personally, I thought it was brilliant the mans a tool."

"That he is, what does she see in him?" asked Casey.

"No ides. Look, she'll have calmed down by the morning, so don't worry and try to get some sleep."

"I will." Replied Casey with a grateful smile. "Goodnight James."

"Night Slugger." Smirked James as he watched Casey leave he smiled widely, _oh yes this was going to be very interesting._

An hour later Casey was still pacing the guest room, she had tried showering and even some yoga but between what she now admitted was jealousy, anger and her guilt she knew she wasn't likely to get any sleep, pulling on a hooded jumper she crept downstairs in to the kitchen, pouring a glass of milk she sat at the table nursing it, her mind filled with conflicting images of Alex and Brooke.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she jumped as the light flicked on,looking up she gave Alex a small smile "I'm sorry, I hope I didn't wake you?"

"It's fine, I was awake anyway. Couldn't sleep?" Asked Alex flicking on the kettle, turning her back as she got the stuff needed to make camomile tea.

"No, strange bed I guess." Smiled Casey.

"Tea?" Offered Alex.

"Thanks." Smiled Casey. "Look about earlier, I was out of line. I just panicked, I don't want to let Abbie down or see anything happen to you."

Handing Casey a cup if camomile tea Alex gave her a half-smile, "We were both wrong, how about we make a deal?"

"Spoken like a lawyer." Smiled Casey. "I'm listening."

"We both admit we were less than right.."

"You can say wrong, it won't kill you." Smiled Casey.

"Fine. We were both wrong and in future I will let you know if I intend to slip away?" Suggested Alex.

"And I won't beat up your dates." Replied Casey holding out her hand.

Reaching across Alex shook Casey's hand, "Done."

They exchanged small talk about New York for a while before Alex asked, "What made you join the military? I mean your smart and well read." Seeing the look on Casey's face she added, "I didn't mean it like that, I just wondered why you'd want to risk your life." Giving a laugh she added, "No, that's still not right."

Casey found herself enjoying Alex's discomfort, "Its okay. My dad, was a solider, he was my hero especially after my mom died, I wanted to be like him, so I followed in his footsteps."

"So you served with Abbie? I saw the picture in her office?" Asked Alex.

"We were actually high school friends, we joined up together." Replied Casey. "Did you always want to be a lawyer?" Asked Casey, wanting to change the course of their conversation.

"We can change the subject." Replied Alex picking up on Casey's discomfort. "I have a friend he served a long time ago and he still struggles with having lost men."

"It wasn't just men I lost. I lost my soul mate." Whispered Casey, not sure why she mentioned that, knowing it would lead to a conversation about Brooke, a conversation she wasn't ready to have, especially with Alex.

"What was her name?" Asked Alex, for a minute there was nothing but the ticking of Casey's watch and the sounds of dawn arriving.

Just as Alex thought Casey wasn't going to answer she whispered, "Brooke." A sad smile on her face.

"I'm sorry." Replied Alex, placing a gentle hand over Casey's.

"It still hurts." Whispered Casey.

"I know that pain." Replied Alex.

"What was her name?" Asked Casey repeating Alex's question.

"Jill." Whispered Alex.


	5. Chapter 5

"_Life's too short to dwell on the past, so take a deep breath and move on to the future." Author unknown. _

Alex's response was met with silence as each woman throughout of those they had loved and lost, Alex was the first to break the silence, "How did you know?"

"That it was a woman?" Asked Casey, seeing Alex nod she took a sip of her tea before replying, "I saw you checking out the nurse at the hospital the other day. You're not as subtle as you think." Seeing Alex blush she added, "Also, the way you act around Biggs, it's as if your imagining him as someone else. Not that I blame you the man is a muppet."

"You understand why I keep it a secret?" Asked Alex.

Casey knew she was really asking if Casey would keep her secret, "Alex, I would never betray your confidence, I would like to think we could be friends."

"Thank you." Whispered Alex, standing to place her cup in the sink, she was stopped by Casey's voice.

"As for hiding who you really are from the world, I don't understand that."

"You must have hidden who you were when you were in the military." Replied Alex a hint of ice creeping into her voice.

"Yes, for different reasons. Alex, I don't mean it as an insult, you're asking these people to vote for you, to trust you to guide the country, how can they do that if they don't know the real you?"

"My sexuality makes no difference to my policies." Replied Alex.

"Of course it does, every experience, every person we meet and every loss we face changes who we are and how we view the world." Replied Casey.

"Not me, personal and political are completely separate." Replied Alex.

"Okay, so if you become Mayor and then President, you're going to spend your life in the closet, denying who you are?" Asked Casey in the same soft voice.

"I have no interest in a relationship with anyone, especially a woman." Replied Alex.

"Because the voters won't like it? Or because your afraid to betray the memory of Jill?" Asked Casey.

"Good night Casey." Replied Alex heading for the stairs making no effort to answer Casey's question.

Arriving in her bedroom Alex found herself unable to sleep as Casey's question went round and round in her head, was she running because of Jill? Or was she so determined to be a politician, have a successful career that she would never be able to love anyone in case she lost her office? No, she knew the answer, she didn't deserve to be happy, it was her fault Jill and Ally had died and because of that she had sworn she would never have a serious relationship again, that way she couldn't get hurt.

-  
Over the next few weeks Alex found herself enjoying spending time with Casey, on a flight to Boston they had bonded over a love of Shakespeare, classical music and art. They would argue for hours over policies and Casey was unafraid to tell Alex what she thought or when she was being a spoiled brat.

She had spent less and less time with Biggs, preferring to take James as her date to charity events, her drive to give to the poorest in society had become a talking spot that boosted her position in the polls. Something a smug Casey was quick to point out was her idea every chance she got. Casey had twice saved her from an attack in the street, dealing with the situation quickly and effectively, whenever she watched Casey deal with a situation like that or when Casey would place a hand on the small of her back as the walked through a crowd she felt a thrill.

Alex had been in court prosecuting a case against a drunk driver that killed three and injured twenty when he drove through the front of a restaurant after a night out. She was seeking the death penalty, something her opponent had turned to use against her due to the defendants young age and new-found religion. Walking into her study on the saturday morning she found James and Casey in conversation over the Mets.

Rolling her eyes at their good-natured argument she picked up the paper she started to read,

'_DA Alexandra Cabot has built her career on her no-nonsense stance on drunk drivers, the question is what drove her to be so passionate about this particular cause. For years rumours have surrounded Miss Cabot's sexuality and her relationship with Jill Simms and her daughter Ally Simms, both of who were killed by a drunk driver four years ago.'_

Throwing the paper down she fled from the room, causing Casey and James to share a worried look, jumping up James quickly scanned the article muttering a curse he turned to go after her.

"Let me." Said Casey, following the sound of slamming doors towards the garden, where she saw Alex sitting on the swing her legs curled underneath herself staring blankly at the grass.

Making a noise as she approached so she didn't startle the blonde as she sat down, "You want to talk about it? Or glare a hole in the grass."

"Sometimes, it all feels too much." Replied Alex not looking at Casey, "Like I just want to run away and become someone else."

They sat in silence for a moment before Casey asked, "Do you have any appointments today?"

"No. I was planning to catch up on some paperwork." Replied Alex.

"Come on then, I might not be able to make you a different person but I can take you away from it all for the day." Replied Casey, standing up and holding her hand out to the blonde.

"Where?" Asked Alex.

"We're getting away from it all for the day, Novak style." She watched as Alex chewed on her lip, it was as Casey had discovered her tell when she was thinking too hard. "Trust me. Please."

"Fine, but if this is some elaborate plan to kill me, then know I have people on staff to avenge me." Laughed Alex.

"Does that happen a lot?" Asked Casey with an amused smile.

"You'd be surprised." Replied Alex.

"Sure, I'd be really surprised." Replied Casey causing Alex to roll her eyes, a hint of a smile tugging at her lips. "Come on Cabot."

Standing Alex took the hand Casey was holding out to her, feeling the familiar tingle in the pit of her stomach, as Casey led her to the front of the house passed an amused James.

Arriving in front of Casey's motorbike Alex asked, "You expect me to get on that thing?"

"I'll drive slowly." Replied Casey, swinging her leg across the bike and holding out her spare helmet to the blonde.

"We could take my car?" Suggested Alex.

"Coward." Replied Casey knowing it was a sure-fire way to get Alex on the bike.

"Fine." Growled Alex climbing on the bike behind Casey, her stomach filling with butterflies as she wrapped her arms around Casey's waist.

"Lets do this. Hold on." Grinned Casey starting the engine and slowly pulling out into traffic. As she drove Casey was very aware of the blondes arms around her, tightening as they went around corners before loosening as she began to relax.

Pulling up at the beach forty minutes later Casey cut the engine, turning she gave Alex a smug grin, "Told you it was fun."

"Yeah fun." Replied Alex glad of the hand Casey offered her as she climbed off the large bike.

"Come on, admit it you enjoyed it? I've been told I'm an exceptionally good ride." Laughed Casey.

"You are so full of yourself." Smiled Alex.

"Come on, I'll buy you an ice cream for being such a good girl." Smirked Casey with a wink.

"Fine, but I want a flake." Replied Alex.

As it was a week day the beach was fairly quiet despite the heat, as they strolled along the sand eating their ice-creams chatting about nothing of great importance no one paid them any attention. Finding a spot that was relatively shady, Casey spread out her jacket for them to sit on. "Feeling any better?"

"Thank you." Replied Alex.

"For what?" Asked Casey with a small frown.

"Bringing me to the beach, for telling me when I'm a bitch and mostly for not judging me." Replied Alex.

"That's what friends are for." Smiled Casey. "You want to talk about it? The story in the paper."

"Jill and Ally were killed by a drink driver and it was all my fault." Replied Alex her voice cracking.

"Alex..."

"No, its true if I hadn't been such a self-centred bitch, they would still be here. Jill was so patient and selfless, even after we had Ally she never tried to force me out of the closet she just wanted me to be happy. She supported me through law school and when I started at the DA's office and I repaid her by being a coward."

"Alex, it's not always easy to be out. I'm sure she knew you loved them both." Replied Casey placing a hand on Alex's arm.

"No, she died thinking I didn't love her. I was such a fool, sometimes I think their deaths were my punishment for taking her for granted." Whispered Alex her gaze still on the waves.

Casey could see the tears on Alex's cheek but chose to ignore them, knowing the blonde wouldn't want to be caught crying. "Alex, you can't think like that. Sometimes, sometimes there is no reason for these things, you can't spend the rest of your life punishing yourself. I'm sure that's not what Jill or Ally would have wanted for you."

"How do you do it?" Asked Alex finally looking at Casey.

"Do what?" Asked Casey a small frown on her face.

"I saw you flirting with the waitress the other week and with the nurse at the hospital. How can you think of loving someone else?" Alex watched as a number of emotions played across Casey's face, fearing she had said too much she was about to apologise when Casey began to speak, her gaze on the ocean before them.

"No one will ever replace Brooke in my heart, but she wouldn't want me to spend my life alone. In fact we promised each other that should one of us die over there the other would move on with their lives, have children and tick off all the things on our bucket list. I don't think I've kept up my end of the bargain very well so far." Replied Casey.

"Why?" Asked Alex with a frown, she had thought Casey seemed so together.

"I felt so guilty I pushed Abbie and Serena away, hell, some of the things I said to Abbie I'm surprised she's still my friend. I drowned myself in Bourbon and one night stands so I wouldn't have to deal with how I felt." Replied Casey.

"It wasn't your fault, you couldn't have done anything to save her." Replied Alex giving Casey's hand a warm squeeze.

"I didn't go to her funeral. Every one thinks it's because I was still in hospital but the truth is..." She took a shuddering breath before continuing, "I couldn't do it. I couldn't act like I was burying a fellow solider when actually, I was saying goodbye to the love of my life." Admitted Casey.

"Casey.." Started Alex only to be cut off as the sky light up with a flash of lightning and rain began to soak their shirts.

Standing Casey gave Alex her jacket as they ran towards the car park, hoping it was just a passing shower Casey suggested they head into the small diner for some lunch. They spent lunch in comfortable silence watching the world go by as they processed their emotions from their conversation on the beach.

As the rain continued to pour they decided to take shelter in a small motel for the night, leaving Alex in the small gift shop Casey ran across to book the rooms. As Casey came back towards the blonde she had an amused smile on her face, "There's only one room available, so we're going to have to share. I hope you don't snore. "

"Your so funny." Replied Alex, the thought of sharing a room with Casey making her heart race. After buying toothbrushes, t-shirts that would serve as pyjamas and a pack of playing cards they headed to their room, walking in Alex felt her heart rate triple at the sight of a double bed and nothing else. "When you said share..?"  
"I assumed it was two singles." Replied Casey a blush colouring her cheeks. "I'll take the floor."

"Don't be silly, we're both grown women we can share." Smiled Alex. "Do you want to shower first?"

"No, after you." Replied Casey.

An hour later they were both dry and sipping red wine from the plastic picnic glasses Alex had picked up playing poker.

"Again." Sighed Alex as Casey once agin won the hand.

"Ha, come on you owe me a dare." Smirked Casey.

"Fine." Sighed Alex, she had already been forced to ring reception and get the man to say the name Wayne King and tell a dirty joke, she dreaded to think what Casey was going to come up with.

"Okay...you know what I'll let you off." Smiled Casey.

"That's very kind if you." Replied Alex, putting the cards away before Casey changed her mind.

Topping up their glasses they started talking about their childhoods, as the rain pounded against the windows Alex tried to focus on what Casey was saying, but her eyes kept straying to the redheads lips, without conscious thought she leaned forward and pressed her lips to Casey's, the kiss was brief and filled with electricity.

"Alex.."

"Shhh." Whispered Alex pressing another kiss to Casey's lips, moaning as Casey returned the kiss and pressed her down against the pillows. Breaking apart when air became necessary, "Wow." Mumbled Alex.

"Are you sure about this?" Asked Casey her voice thick with want.

Rather than answer she tangled her fingers in Casey's hair and pulled her close claiming her lips in another kiss, as a flash of lightning lit up the room followed by a loud clap of thunder, they broke apart, resting their foreheads together Casey asked, "Is this a good idea?"

"I want you." Whispered Alex, flipping them over so she was above Casey.

"I want you too." Whispered Casey drawing the blonde in for another kiss, running her fingertips under the blondes baggy t-shirt, before tugging it over her head and dropping it to the floor.

As Alex ran her hands up Casey's side she felt the redhead stiffen, "Casey?"

"My scars." Whispered Casey avoiding eye contact.

"Trust me?" Whispered Alex, seeing Casey nod she slowly lifted the shirt over Casey's head throwing it to the floor with her own. Seeing the scars that littered Casey's torso Alex bit back a whimper knowing sympathy was the last thing Casey wanted.

"Does it hurt?" Asked Alex tracing a gentle fingertip along the scar.

"Sometime, although I think it's more psychological than physical." Replied Casey, her breath catching in her throat as Alex lent down placing soft kisses along the scars and the one on her shoulder.  
Flipping them so she was once again above the once Casey owned her lips in a bruising kiss, this one more urgent than those they had shared before.

As the kiss ended Alex whispered, "Make love to me."

Nodding Casey quickly removed the last of their clothes before pressing Alex back down on the bed, as she began to trial soft kisses and bites along Alex's neck she slipped her strong thigh between the blondes legs, growling lightly as she felt the blondes excitement coat her thigh.

"I want you." Panted Alex, causing Casey to growl again.

Pressing her thigh harder against Alex's centre she brought her mouth down to a straining nipple, taking it into her mouth as her fingertips traced swirls along the pale skin of Alex's thigh, causing the blonde to moan as they neared her soaked core.

As Casey dragged her fingers through Alex's soaked centre she felt her own clit throb with need, as she entered the with two fingers she felt Alex to arch up off the bed, pressing herself against Casey.

"Oh God Casey! Yes!" Moaned Alex.

"Cum for me Alex." Whispered Casey, curling her fingers it didn't take long for Alex to cum chanting her name.

Not giving her time to recover from her first orgasm Casey began kissing her way down Alex's stomach, causing the blonde to giggle as she dipped her tongue in her belly button. Moaning as she ran her tongue through the wetness coating the blondes thighs.

Pressing her hand to the bottom of Alex's stomach to stop her moving Casey grazed Alex clit with her teeth before running the tip of her tongue around it and sucking it into her mouth. Feeling Alex's orgasm approaching Casey entered her once again scissoring her fingers until Alex came harder than the first time.

"That was...oh god." Panted Alex as Casey claimed her lips in another gentle kiss, causing her to moan at the taste of herself on Casey's mouth. Flipping them over she wasted to time kissing her way down Casey's body, the scent of Casey's arousal causing her own stomach to tighten in anticipation.

Feeling Alex's hot mouth on her throbbing centre, Casey moaned as Alex teased her bringing her to the edge and then pull back leaving her wanting before building her back up again.

"Alex please." Whispered Casey her voice trembling with need. Feeling Alex enter her with two then three fingers, she threw her head back, "Oh yesss." Hissed Casey.

Smirking slightly at having turned the stoic woman into a trembling mess, Alex curled her fingers as she continued teasing Casey's clit with her tongue. Feeling Casey arch her back as she came chanting Alex's name.

Crawling back up Casey's body, she smiled as she felt Casey pull her close and place a soft kiss on her lips. "That was..."

"Amazing?" Supplied Casey.

"That about covers it." Giggled Alex, before she was overtaken by a yawn. Feeling Casey pull the cover over them, she let the sound of the rain and waves lull her to sleep, her last thought was Casey had made her feel like a different person, she felt like Alex Cabot the young woman not DA Cabot the rising political star.


	6. Chapter 6

_"Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;  
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.  
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned."-Edna St. Vincent Millay._

Waking up it took Casey a second to process where she was and who the warm body pressed against hers belonged to. As the events of the night before floated through her mind she felt her heart rate speed up. Unsure what to do she closed her eyes and took a few calming breaths, just as she started to relax she heard a soft throaty chuckle.

"Really? The big bad bed hopping Marine is afraid of me?" Asked Alex, propping herself up on one elbow so she could look down at Casey.

"Who said I was afraid?" Asked Casey with narrowed eyes.

Giving Casey a smirk Alex leaned down and claimed the younger woman's lips in a slow kiss, before whispering, "Good morning."

"Defiantly." Smiled Casey, tangling her fingers in Alex's messy blonde hair and pulling her down for another kiss.

"What time do we have to check out?" Asked Alex as she straddled Casey's waist.

Glancing down at her watch Casey grinned, "Three hours, what ever shall we do to pass the time?"

"I have a few ideas." Smirked Alex as she leaned down and claimed Casey's lips in a bruising kiss, before placing delicate kisses down the pale skin of Casey's throat and chest enforce taking an already stiff nipple in to her mouth. Kissing away across to the other nipple, she ran the flat of her tongue over the bud before lightly nipping it and claiming Casey's lips in another hungry kiss.

"You are so damn sexy." Whispered Casey gently stroking a hand down Alex's face and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Your not so bad yourself." Replied Alex a light blush colouring her chest and neck.

Flipping them over so she was above the blonde Casey laughed at the shocked look on Alex's face, "Lightening reflexes."

Rolling her eyes at the redheads cockiness Alex smiled, "I love how modest you are, now shut up and kiss me."

"As you wish." Smiled Casey.

"Really a Princess Bride quote?" Laughed Alex, surprised at how at ease she felt, when she had first woken up she had panicked before the security of Casey's arms wrapped around her reminded her she was safe with Casey.

Rather than reply Casey leaned down and began placing open mouthed kisses down Alex's throat, making sure not to leave a mark she lightly bit down on the soft flesh before soothing it with the flat of her tongue.

Kissing her way down Alex's body Casey could smell Alex's arousal making her stomach tighten in anticipation, as she lifted Alex's long legs on to her shoulders. Taking a breath to calm the throbbing in her own centre she ran the flat of her tongue through the wetness coating Alex's centre.

"God, Casey please don't tease me." Panted Alex as her back arched off the bed.

Ducking her head Casey ran her tongue through Alex's wetness, making sure to apply the smallest amount of pressure and to keep her movements slow, causing Alex to whimper with need.

"If you don't make me cum soon, I'm going to do it myself." Moaned Alex after a few minutes of Casey's teasing.

"Patients Alexandra, it'll be worth it. Trust me." Whispered Casey.

"I trust you." Whispered Alex, they both knew there was more than sexual gratification behind the words they had spoken.

Deciding she had teased the blonde enough Casey began moving her tongues with more purpose, feeling a light tug in her hair she placed one last soft kiss on the blondes swollen clit she moved so she could make eye contact with Alex, she gave a confused quirk of the eyebrow, "Alex?"

"I want to see you." Mumbled the blonde a light blush colouring her cheeks.

Leaning down Casey's pressed a soft kiss to Alex's lips, causing the blonde to moan at the taste of herself on Casey's lips. Lifting one of the blondes legs and wrapping it around her waist as she entered the blonde with two fingers, causing Alex's eyes to automatically close. Stilling her movements Casey whispered, "Open your eyes for me Alex."

Once Alex opened her eyes, Casey continued her smooth strokes, curling her fingers she could feel Alex's orgasm approaching, speeding up her movements she watched as Alex came undone underneath her. Giving the blonde a moment to regain her breath she made sure to keep their gazes locked as she brought her fingers to her mouth savouring the taste of Alex's excitement that coated them.

As she watched Casey's actions Alex almost came on the spot. Taking advantage of Casey's distraction she flipped them over so she was once again above the surprised looking redhead, "You think you're the only one with lightning reflexes?"

"I guess not." Smiled Casey pulling Alex in for another gentle kiss.

Pushing Casey back down against the pillows Alex gave her a smirk, "My turn."

Casey groaned as she realised her teasing of the blonde was about to come back and bite her, "Alex..."

"Now, now Miss Novak, do as your told and I promise you'll be rewarded." Replied Alex with another smirk.

"That's not fair." Moaned Casey.

"Who says life is fair, where is that written?" Asked Alex with a smirk.

"Now who's quoting the Princess Bride?" Smirked Casey.

Leaning down Alex pressed a hard kiss to Casey lips, "No more talking, unless it's to scream my name."

Trailing kisses and small nips along Casey's throat making sure to leave several small marks, as she kissed lower across Casey's chest she could feel Casey's arousal coating her thigh. The sensation causing her own arousal to rise again. Lightly scraping her nails along the soft skin on the inside of Casey's thigh, dragging her fingers across Casey's swollen clit, causing the younger woman to give a moan of pleasure.

Keeping her movements slow and soft she watched as Casey closed her eyes and arched her back, "So sexy." Whispered Alex, giving a moan as Casey pressed her thigh harder against her centre.

"Please Alex." Begged Casey.

"Please what?" Whispered Alex,her voice husky as she tried to control her desire.

"Make me cum, please." Panted Casey.

Adding another finger Alex sped up her ministrations as she ground herself against Casey's toned thigh, curling her fingers it took just a few thrusts for them both to cum chanting the others name.

Slumping down next to Casey they laid in silence for a few minutes getting their breaths back and listening to the sound of the ocean outside their window. Rolling on her side Casey studied Alex who had her eyes closed, seeing the blonde so relaxed and content brought a smile to her face.

"I can feel you staring." Smiled Alex not opening her eyes.

"I wasn't staring, I was enjoying the view." Replied Casey pressing a chaste kiss to Alex's lips before slipping from the sheets and pulling on the shirt and panties she had hastily discarded the night before.

"Hey, where are you going?" Asked Alex leaning up on her elbow.

"To shower. Want to scrub my back?" Asked Casey with a raised eyebrow.

"Maybe." Replied Alex slumping back down against the pillows.

"Your loss." Smirked Casey, heading into the bathroom she turned the shower in and stepped under the spray, letting the cool water refresh her before turning up the heat and working out the aches in her muscles. Hearing the bathroom door open she grinned as Alex stepped in behind her and began placing small kisses on the back on her neck and shoulders.

Turning around Casey pressed Alex back against the wall of the shower, "I was beginning to think you weren't coming."

"I was always going to come for you." Husked Alex lightly trailing her fingertips across Casey's nipples, "I was just waiting for the water to heat up."

"I hope it's the right temperature for you Princess?" Smirked Casey reaching a hand behind her she switched the dial to cold as she held Alex in front of the spray.

"Ahhhh! Casey...you brat." Squealed Alex trying to move away from the blast of icy water, before shutting it off.

Casey was laughing so hard she couldn't hold the squirming blonde, "I'm sorry, I couldn't resist."

"I hate you." Pouted Alex.

"Lair." Smirked Casey pressing a kiss to Alex's lips, before turning the water to a reasonable heat so they could shower.

An hour later they were ready to leave as Casey double checked they had packed up everything, she could see Alex staring out of the window a sad look on her face. Walking over she wrapped her arms around the blondes waste and pulled her back against her front. "You okay?"

"There's a part of me that doesn't want to leave." Replied Alex.

"Why?" Asked Casey.

"I have to go back to being DA Cabot, being the person people expect me to be and not who I really am. I feel like a fraud. I am a fraud last night proved that."

"Alex...do you regret it?" Asked Casey, not realising how much Alex's answer mattered to her.

"No. Casey last night was amazing. I just...where do we go from here?" Asked Alex, turning and resting her head on Casey's shoulder, taking comfort from the redheads steady presence.

"I don't know. I'm not asking you to come out or make any commitment, we could just see where this goes? I really like you and if it becomes something serious we can cross that bridge when it comes. That's if you want to?"

"I want to, but we would have to keep it quiet. I don't want to make the same mistakes I did before and hurt you." Whispered Alex.

"Let's just take it one step at a time." Replied Casey pulling Alex in for one last kiss. "Come on Miss Cabot, James will kill me if you're late to the gallery opening tonight."

The ride back to the city was quick and all too soon Casey had to leave to go back to her own apartment to get ready for Alex's personal appearance at the gallery opening that evening.

For three weeks Alex and Casey spent as much time together as their schedules allowed, they would take Casey's bike for long rides along the coast, eat take-out curled up on Casey's couch and nights wrapped together.

Sitting at her desk on the Friday morning of their fourth week together, Alex smiled as Casey set a cup of coffee down in front of her and leaned down pressing a quick kiss to her lips, "Thank you."

"No worries, are you busy this weekend?" Asked Casey.

"No, did you want to do something? Maybe we can go away for the weekend, before I use your gun and shoot James." Joked Alex.

Since finding out about their relationship James had teased them both, especially Alex taking great joy in making the woman he considered a younger sister blush. As he told Casey all minor of embarrassing stories from their youth.

"Actually, Abbie and Serena invited me for dinner, so I was wondering if you would like to come with me?" Asked Casey.

"I'd like that." Smiled Alex.

"Good, I'll pick you up at six?" Looking down at her watch Casey groaned, "I have to go to the dentist. Olivia will be here if you need to go out.

"Okay, good luck." Smiled Alex, "I'll see you tomorrow at six."

As Casey pulled up outside Abbie and Serena's modest brownstone, she could tell Alex was nervous by the way the blonde was worrying her bottom lip with her teeth, "Al, relax it's just dinner, you'll love the girls."

"I know, I just want your friends to like me." Replied Alex.

"They will. Now come on let's head inside and get you a large glass of wine." Smiled Casey giving Alex's hand a gentle squeeze.

The door was opened before they reached the top of the steps, "Howdy, come on in." Smiled Abbie.

"Why thank you." Smiled Casey, as they took off their jackets, two young girls came charging down the stairs.

"Auntie Casey here!"

Alex watched Casey drop to her knees and open her arms wide to the two small children running towards her, "Georgie! Megan! How are my best girls?"

"Fine." Replied the smaller of the two.

Turing to the blonde Casey lifted Georgie into her arms, "Alex this is Georgie and this is Megan. Girls this is Alex a friend of mine."

"Hi." Smiled Georgie with a small wave.

"Hi." Smiled Alex.

"Alex, do you like chocolate cake?" Asked Megan taking Alex's hand and leading her into the lounge.

"It's my favourite." Replied Alex as she looked around the room, it was a proper family room. There were family pictures on the wall, toys piled haphazardly in the corner and a bookshelf overflowing with an eclectic mix of books ranging from family law to Harry Potter.

"Good, me and mommy made it for Aunt Casey's Birthday and then Ma and Georgie decorated it." Replied Megan settling herself next to Alex.

"That sounds yummy." Smiled the blonde.

"Hey, girls why don't you go and get the drawings you made for Auntie Casey?" Suggested Serena coming in the room, wiping her hands on a towel.

Once the two young girls had scampered back up the stairs Abbie fixed them all drinks and the four of them relaxed on the sofa's. Alex and Serena quickly slipping into easy conversation about the law and people they knew, whilst Casey and Abbie played baseball on the Wii with the girls.

Alex found herself quickly relaxing in the company of the young family, they had a close relationship, you could feel their love for each other by the way they interacted with each other. As she watched them she felt her heart ache for all she had missed with Jill and Ally. Forcing the dark thoughts aside she was soon roped into a dance off with Casey, her uncoördinated movements the cause of much laughter.

After a delicious meal of homemade lasagna and cake, Casey was helping Abbie wash tidy whist Alex read the girls a bedtime story.

"You seem happy." Smiled Abbie jumping up on the kitchen counter.

"I am. Thank you for not giving up on me." Replied Casey.

"That's what friends are for." Grinned Abbie, paling as she saw her wife come back into the kitchen with Alex.

"Abigail, I know you're not sitting on my new kitchen units." Said Serena shooting her wife a glare.

Sliding off the unit Abbie attempted to look innocent, "Busted." Laughed Casey.

"Watch it Novak, or I'll tell Alex about the time you shot our commanding in the foot, because you were afraid of the big bad spider and he made us stand in the snow for three hours." Warned Abbie.

"I think it's time to go." Replied Casey sending Abbie a mock glare.

An hour later they had arrived back at Alex's house and were getting ready for bed. After going through her nightly routine Casey walked out of Alex's bathroom, her steps halting as she took in the sight of Alex in a black baby doll.

"See something you like Birthday girl?" Asked Alex a small smile on her face.

"Very much so." Whispered Casey, her gaze fixed on the tantalising swell of Alex's breasts visible thanks to the plunging neckline of the blondes baby doll.

"Ahem. I'm up here." Smiled Alex, holding out a small gift bag, "This is for you, I knew it was your birthday and I wanted to get you a little something." Explained Alex seeing the confused look on Casey's face.

"You didn't have to do that." Smiled Casey as she opened the bag, pulling out a small box, opening it she saw a necklace shaped like dog tags, laughing as she read the inscription engraved on the back, '_Sometimes glass glitters more than diamonds because it has more to prove.'_

"You remembered." Smiled Casey, touched that Alex had remembered a trivial little detail from a conversation they had shared over a month before.

"Of course." Smiled Alex pulling Casey on to the bed, "Now for your other gift."

Several hours later they were slumped against the pillows, their skin glistening with sweat, their breathing ragged. "I think that was my favourite birthday gift ever." Grinned Casey.

"Good." Relied Alex as she was over taken by a yawn.

Pulling the blonde into her arms Casey gently ran her fingers through Alex's hair until the blondes breathing evened out.

"I could fall for you." Whispered Casey into darkness before closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep her arms wrapped around Alex.

Hearing Casey's words Alex felt a sense of panic start to build in her chest, she could fall for Casey, if she was honest with herself she already had. She had watched Casey as she interacted with her two young God children and watched Abbie and Serena's easy interactions, Casey wanted that, she wanted a family and she deserved one. Alex couldn't give her that, could she? Rolling on to her side she spent the night studying the slumbering redhead, her mind racing with a thousand thoughts.

**A/N; There are bonus points for you if you know where the quote on Casey's necklace comes from...without using Google.**


	7. Chapter 7

_"I know I have a heart because I can feel it breaking."- L. Frank Baum._

Having spent most of the night staring at Casey's sleeping form and trying desperately to find the courage to be with her Alex gave up trying to sleep. Giving a tired sigh she was relieved as the first rays of sunlight filtered through the window, signalling a respectable time to be awake. As she slipped from Casey's embrace she cast one last longing look at the redhead who had cuddled into her pillow, her face relaxed in sleep. Waking into her study she made a decision, reaching for her cell phone she dialled Biggs number, arranging to meet him for brunch, she was just hanging up when James strolled in to the room.

"Good morning Alexandra." Greeted James as he handed her a cup of coffee and pulled out the chair opposite hers a wide smirk on his face.

"James." Replied Alex in a weary voice.

"You know in all the years we've known each other I never knew you were so religious." Replied James taking a sip of his coffee.

"Don't." Snapped Alex standing and walking towards the door, "I'm going out you and Casey can take the day off."

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you. Is everything okay?" Asked James his smirk replaced with a worried expression.

Forcing a small smile to her face Alex gave a nod, "Everything's fine, I'm just meeting a friend for brunch and some shopping. Have a good day."

"You too." Replied James.

"Tell Casey...actually don't worry I'll call her later." Replied Alex walking out of the study and heading towards the garage.

Walking past Casey's bike she felt her heart clench, what the hell was she doing? She should just go inside and climb back in bed next to Casey before brainstorming a way to come out with out tanking her career. Instead she climbed into her car and turned in the direction of the diner she had arranged to meet Biggs in for brunch.

As she drove she let her mind drift back over the last four weeks with Casey, for the first time since Jill and Ally's deaths she felt that spark that made her want to get up each morning. She was warm, funny, brave and smart and made Alex feel alive, but she couldn't give Casey what she wanted, what she deserved, it was better this way.

Pulling into a parking space she fought the urge to turn around drive back to Casey, taking a breath she headed inside and saw Scott Briggs reading the newspaper in the far corner. Swallowing her nerves she plastered on a smile and headed towards his table, "Hi."

Putting the newspaper down Biggs rose to his feet and pressed a kiss to her cheek, "Alexandra, it's good to see you."

"And you, I'm sorry I've been busy recently." Replied Alex as she sat down.

"I was staring to think you had gone off me." Replied Briggs sighing to the waitress for another cup of coffee.

"As if." Smiled Alex.

They exchanged small talk as they waited for their food to be delivered, "So, are you going to tell me why you suddenly have time for brunch?" Asked Briggs with a raised eyebrow.

"I missed you." Replied Alex, hating the way the lie tasted on her tongue.

Despite the flat tone of Alex's voice, Biggs eyes light up, "I've missed you too, how about after we eat we head back to my place? I have something I want to talk to you about."

"Sounds nice." Smiled Alex.

An hour later she followed Biggs into his apartment, "Take a seat, I won't be a minute."

As Alex looked around the large room she couldn't help but compare it to Casey's apartment, despite the fact they were both ex-military Biggs proudly displayed pictures and medals where as Casey preferred to keep the reminders of her service days tucked away. There were large pieces of ostentatious art on the walls and room looked ready for a photo-shoot,nowhere as Casey's apartment was always just the right side of messy and the art on her walls reflected her personality. She was pulled from her thoughts by Biggs reappearance in the room.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to abandon you for so long, would you like a drink?" Smiled Biggs sitting next to Alex on the couch and running a hand up her jean clad thigh.

"I'm fine, I should be getting back to work soon." Smiled Alex, trying to keep the repulsion out of her voice.

"Not too soon, I hope." Whispered Biggs, his hand moving higher.

"I'm afraid so, you know how it is." Replied Alex attempting to excise herself from her spot on the sofa.

"Before you go, there's something I wanted to ask you." Dropping to one knee he pulled a gold and diamond ring from his pocket, "Alexandra, will you marry me?"

"I-I need to think about it." Replied Alex.

"Alex please, hear me out?" Asked Biggs rising to his feet, seeing Alex give a small nod he went on, "We're both from old families, we know not all the marriages were born from love, but business decisions. That's what I'm proposing, I can help you achieve your goal and you can help me. Add in a few children of good stock and both our families will be thrilled, so what do you say?"

"I-Yes." Replied Alex excepting the ring and the kiss Biggs pressed against her lips, suppressing a shudder at the feel of his stubble on her face.

"Shall we retire to the bedroom and celebrate?" Asked Biggs.

"I should get back." Replied Alex.

"Come on Alex, we're engaged now." Replied Biggs his grip on her wrist tightening.

"I-I want to but I have a meeting. How about dinner tomorrow night? You know celebrate properly." Replied Alex with a smile, pulling her arm from his grip and rubbing where he had gripped her wrist.

"I'd like that, I'll arrange reservations." Smiled Biggs.

After making a few stops Alex arrived home relieved to find it empty. Walking into the study she saw a note from James, saying he had gone to the beach with Casey for a surfing lesson. Pouring a large measure of bourbon she climbed the stairs to her bedroom, an automatic smile spreading across her face when she saw Casey had made the bed military style, something Alex had enjoyed teasing her about.

Blinking back her tears she walked into the bathroom, running the shower as hot as she could she stepped under the spray, finally allowing her mask to slip as she slid down the wall, she allowed her tears to fall.

**Meanwhile...**  
Waking up the following morning Casey wasn't surprised to find she was alone, the blonde often woke before her and would be in her study half way through her day before Casey was even up and dressed. After luxuriating in the warmth of the large bed for a few more minutes Casey stretched and padded towards the shower.

Walking out of the bedroom in her customary jeans and long-sleeved t-shirt Casey pulled the necklace Alex had given her over her head, a smile spreading across her face at the thought of the blonde. Just as she reached the door her cell phone began to ring with Serena's ring tone.

"Hey Rena, everything okay?" Asked Casey sitting back down on the edge of Alex's bed.

"Everything's fine, I just wanted to say how much we enjoyed having you guys over for dinner last night. Alex is lovely, the girls adore her." Replied the bubbly blonde.

"It was fun, a nice way to spend my birthday." Replied Casey.

"Better when you got home, I bet." Giggled Serena.

Casey rolled her eyes, before she remembered her friend couldn't see her, "I thought it was your wife with a mind like a gutter."

"Hey, for all you know I meant you had tea and cuddled all night." Laughed Serena.

"Suure." Laughed Casey.

"You like her, don't you?" Asked Serena her voice soft.

"I do, I really like her, I haven't felt like this since Brooke, it's like I can see a future where I'm living not just existing." Smiled Casey as she fiddled with the necklace Alex had given her. "It scares me a little." Admitted Casey.

"Brooke would want you to be happy." Replied Serena her voice gentle.

"I know, it's just...I'm scared if I really like her I'll lose her and I won't be able to cope." Admitted Casey.

"Case, you're one of the strongest people I know and anyway, from what I saw Alex is as smitten as you are." Replied Serena.

"Thanks Rena. I should get to work, my boss is a real piece of work." Laughed Casey.

"If she gives you any trouble let me know, I have some pull with her." Laughed Serena.

After hanging up Casey headed into the blonde study, surprised to find James sitting at her desk reading the paper, "Good morning, where's Alex?"

"Hey Case, you see this? What the hell are the Giants doing?" Smiled James.

"Yeah, I saw it last night, morons. Where's Al?" Asked Casey again.

"Having brunch with a friend, she said to tell you to take the day off." Replied James.

"Oh, okay." Replied Casey slightly taken back that Alex hadn't bothered to wake her and say goodbye.

James voice interrupted her thoughts, "Don't look so hurt, I'm sure she'll call you later."

"I know, just not sure what to do with an unplanned day off." Replied Casey, trying to keep the hurt out of her voice.

"I've got an idea, you still up for teaching me to surf? I've got the day off as well?" Suggested James.

"Absolutely, we will have to take your car, mines in the shop and I can't get the boards on my bike." Replied Casey.

"Sounds good to me, let me grab my stuff and we'll make a move, I'll even buy you lunch." Grinned James.

-  
Arriving home several hours later Casey was pleasantly tired, spending the day with James had turned out to be just what she needed. After plugging her dead phone into charge she fixed herself some pasta for dinner and ate it in front of the TV.

Picking up her phone she felt her heart sink when she saw the blonde hadn't called or texted her all day, there were several messages from Abbie, each asking her to call back ASAP. With a shaking hand she dialled her friends number, all kinds of worrying possibilities racing through her mind as she waited for Abbie to answer.

"Casey, where have you been? I've been trying to reach you all day." Was Abbie's clipped greeting.

"Sorry, Alex gave me the day off so I went to the beach for a surf and my battery died." Replied Casey. "What's going on?"

"Alex came by the office today. Casey she ended her contract with us." Replied Abbie.

"What does that mean?" Asked Casey her mind refusing to accept the obvious.

"It means we no longer work for DA Cabot. Case, I hate to ask this but are you...working for free?" Asked Abbie.

"No. I would never do that to you, your my best friend. I have no idea what's going on, I'll give her a call and find out." Replied Casey, her heart hammering in her chest.

"Case, screw the business. As your friend I'm worried about you." Replied Abbie.

"I-I need to call her. I'll talk to you later." Relied Casey hanging up without saying goodbye.

Dialling the blondes number she was half frustrated and half relieved that Alex didn't pick up, pacing her lounge she tried several more times, getting no answer she decided to drive over and talk to Alex in person.

Arriving at the blondes she knocked on the door, as she waited for an answer she closed her eyes and tried to calm her racing heart. She was pulled from her attempts by James quiet laughter, "Miss me already?"

"Something like that, is Alex around?" Replied Casey.

"She's in bed with a headache, is everything okay?" Replied James, Alex had begged him to get rid of Casey she said it was because she wasn't feeling well, but the alcohol on Alex's breath and the hollow look in her eyes told him it was something else.

"Did you know she fired Abbie today?" Asked Casey her tone harsher than she meant it to be.

"No, are you sure?" Asked James his frown deepening.

"Very, maybe I should come back tomorrow. Will you tell her I came by?" Asked Casey.

"Of course, I'll make sure she calls you first thing tomorrow." Replied James.

"Thanks." Replied Casey.

Watching Casey drive away her shoulders slumped James walked into the study and saw Alex sitting at her desk a bottle of bourbon open on her desk, "Want to tell me what that was all about?"

"I ended my contract with Abbie, there hasn't been any trouble so it seemed a waste of money." Replied Alex her voice empty of any infliction.

"So why does Casey look confused and hurt?" Asked James, moving the glass away from the blonde. "Don't you think you've had enough?"

"No. I need to end things between us, I'm just working up to it." Replied Alex, taking the glass back from James, filling it half way she downed it in one.

"Why?" Asked James, shock and confusion clear in his face.

"It was just a fling. It means nothing to either of us." Snapped Alex.

"Bullshit, look at you." Exclaimed James.

"It's for the best." Replied Alex in the same hollow voice.

"Really that's how Casey feels is it?" Asked James.

"Of course." Replied Alex although her voice lacked any conviction.

"That's crap and you know it, I know you like her and it's clear she likes you." Replied James.

"Oh really? How do you know that, do the two of you sit up braiding each other's hair?" Asked Alex with a raised eyebrow.

"Don't do this Alex. Don't throw it away." Pleaded James.

"There's noting to throw away, I told you..." Started Alex only to be cut off by James.

"I know, I know, it was just a fling. I don't believe that and neither do you. I can't stand by and watch you throw your life away over political ambition, not again." Replied James.

"What are you saying?" Asked Alex her voice sounding fearful for the first time.

"I-I'm saying I can't work with you anymore. I watched Jill and Ally's deaths destroy a part of you, one that Casey has started to heal and you're going to throw it away for your job. Biggs doesn't love you, he loves your status and the perks your name affords to him. If you loved him, even a little bit it wouldn't be so bad, but it's one despicable person using another. I'm sorry Alexandra we're done."

"James please don't go...I need you." Whispered Alex allowing her tears to fall.

"I'm sorry Alex, I can't. You're like my sister and I can't watch you destroy yourself." Walking to the door he paused and walked back pulling Alex in for a hug, "If you come to your senses call me and I'll be at your side in a flash. I love you Alex and I always will, but I can't watch this, not again."

Hearing the door close Alex sank down in her chair pouring another large shot of bourbon, she picked up the ring Biggs had given her, slipping it on her finger she swallowed down the nausea at the alien feel of it. As she looked down at the ring she gave a bitter laugh, before throwing the ring across the room followed by the glass and the contents of her desk, she slumped down in the middle of her study and cried until she felt numb.

Climbing unsteadily to her feet she climbed the stairs and fell fully clothed on to the bed pulling the pillow Casey had used close as the mixture of alcohol and tears dragged her towards the welcoming abyss of sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

_"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up."-Neil Gaiman._

Arriving home from her unsuccessful visit to see Alex, Casey twisted the cap off the bottle of Bourbon she had picked up, having got rid of hers to avoid temptation whilst working. Taking a glass from the cupboard she filled it almost to the top before draining it in three long swallows, gritting her teeth at the burn she repeated the action before carrying the bottle and glass in to the lounge and slumping down on the couch. What the hell had gone wrong? One minute she thought she and Alex were heading towards something special the next Alex had retreated from her and she was sitting alone drinking trying to figure out what she had done wrong.

Refilling her glass she took a long swallow, maybe this was her punishment for letting Brooke die, giving a bitter laugh she took another drink, maybe she didn't deserve to be happy. Standing she started to pace as her small apartment coming to a halt informer of the punch dummy Abbie and Serena had got her for her birthday a few years before. Not bothering to wrap her hands or pull on gloves she began throwing punches at the dummy, gaining speed and aggression with each punch. Pausing periodically to take a swig of Bourbon she started throwing kicks into her routine until her knuckles where throbbing and her breathing ragged.

Aiming one last kick at the dummy's head she picked up the Bourbon and went to take a shower, not bothering to warm the water up se stepped under the icy spray, hissing as the cold water hit her heated skin. Finishing her shower she dried off and walked naked into her bedroom, pulling on a pair of boxer shorts and a tank top she climbed under the covers. Reaching for the Bourbon bottle she gave a frustrated yell when she saw it was empty, throwing the bottle at the wall she felt an odd sense of satisfaction as the bottle shattered covering her bedroom floor with shards of glass. As she glanced at the broken pieces she have a bitter laugh, glass really did glitter more than diamonds.

Casey was awoken from her dreams of Brooke's disappointment and Alex's rejection by someone knocking on her door, rolling out of bed she swayed slightly as lack if sleep and the amount of alcohol she drank the night before caught up with her. She hissed as her bare foot found a piece of the broken glass from the night before. Hearing someone knock at the door again she yelled, "I'm coming."

Pulling on a pair of sweatpants she hobbled towards the door mindful of the trail of blood the cut on her foot was leaving on her wooden floor. Not bothering to check the peephole she almost sank to her knee's as she saw Alex on the other-side. "What do you want?"

"I-I we need to talk." Replied Alex her voice tight with emotion, seeing Casey wasn't going to speak Alex nervously licked her lips and tried again, "I also wanted to make sure you remembered the confidentiality agreement you signed."

Raising an eyebrow Casey turned on her heel and marched towards the lounge, her anger driving her steps. Watching Casey's retreating back Alex took a deep breath and followed her, frowning when she noticed the bloody footprints Casey was making.

Waiting until she heard the door close and the blonde was in the room Casey replied, "I didn't realise us screwing was covered in that."

"Your bleeding." Replied Alex pointing to the floor.

"It's fine, I stepped on some glass." Replied Casey dragging her hand through her hair and letting out a deep sigh, "What do you really want Alex?"

"I wanted to explain." Replied Alex, fiddling with the ring she wore.

"Congratulation." Replied Casey her tone harsh and rough with tears.

"Casey, I told you from the start I..."  
"Why, why aren't you brave enough to stand up and admit who you really are? You think marrying Biggs will make you happy? Or maybe you think becoming Mayor will do that? It won't, you will always be incomplete." Replied Casey.

"This is who I am, I never pretended otherwise. What happened between us was a fling. An albeit pleasant one, but it's over now and we both have to accept that. Replied Alex.

"I love you and I know you have feelings for me." Whispered Casey her voice raw

"You're wrong, I'm sorry if I led you on but Casey...I can't be with you. I'm sure you'll find someone else." Replied Alex.

"Really, so that's it? You're just going to turn my world upside down and then walk away?" Asked Casey her eyebrow raised.

"Maybe we could be friends." Replied Alex, hating the hope that crept into her voice.

"No, I can't be your friend, I want all of you. I want to love you, protect you, I want to be the one who makes you smile. I want to spend my nights making love to you and my days listening to you talk. I want to be the one person you can't live without." Replied Casey her eyes burning with the effort not to cry.

"I-I can't give you that. I'm sorry." Whispered Alex.

"Then why are you here?" Demanded Casey.

"I needed-I needed to see you, I wanted to explain..." Answered Alex.

"Well you have, so now you can leave." Replied Casey, wanting the blonde to leave so she could drown herself in Bourbon.

"Casey..." Started Alex only to be cut off as she felt Casey roughly pull her close and crash their lips together. The kiss was filled with all the things neither of them could find the words. Alex tangled her hands in Casey's hair puling her close, never wanting this moment to end.

As the kiss ended both women were silent, their foreheads resting together, "Go." Ordered Casey her voice rough with emotion.

As Alex walked to the door she turned back as she watched Casey's shoulders shake she felt her heart crumble, reaching for the door handle she paused again attempting to find the words to make it better, realising there were none she opened the door and stepped into the hallway. As she rummaged through her bag for her sunglasses she heard something thud against the door, sliding her large sunglasses on to hide her own tears she cast one last look at Casey's closed-door before leaving.

Hearing the door close Casey picked up the necklace Alex had given her and threw it at the door, slumping to the floor she let her tears fall. She cried until her throat ached adding to the pounding in her head. She was vaguely aware of her cell phone ringing and of someone knocking on her door, it wasn't until she felt a soft hand on her back that she bothered to lift her head.

"Brooke?"

Swallowing her tears at the broken tone in her friend's voice Abbie shook her head, "No Sweetie it's just me."

"Oh." Whispered Casey.

"Come on let's get you up." Whispered Abbie lifting Casey on to the couch, making sure her friend wasn't likely to move she headed into the kitchen. Coming back with a bottle of smart water and handing it to Casey, "Here, drink this."

Drinking half the bottle in one long pull Casey turned to her friend who was watching her with concern, "I'm so sorry Abbie."

"For what?" Asked Abbie with a frown.

"If I hadn't slept with her then you wouldn't have lost the contract." Replied Casey, "I let you down again."

"Case, believe me the contract is the last thing I care about right now. You're my best friend and all that matters to me it's that your okay. You have never let me down." Replied Abbie, resting a hand on Casey's arm. "Are you, are you okay ?"

"I'm fine." Lied Casey.

"Bull." Replied Abbie, seeing Casey about to speak she he's her hands up. "I know you and I know you'll talk to me when you're ready and not before. Just know we love you and are here for you when you are ready to talk."

"Thank you Abb's. I don't know what I would do without you guys." Replied Casey giving Abbie a warm hug.

"Any time my friend. Now that beautiful wife of mine made you some soup and the girls made you some cookies...so you might want to order out." Replied Abbie with a smile.

"Thank them for me." Replied Casey the first real smile of the day tugging at her lips as she thought of her God daughters.

"I will, just promise you won't be a stranger." Replied Abbie standing to leave.

"I promise." Replied Casey, standing she winced as the cut on her for made contact with the floor.

"You okay? Your limping." Asked Abbie looking at Casey's foot.

"I stepped on some broken glass, is just a little sore." Explained Casey.

"Okay. Well you know where we are if you need anything. Day or night." Replied Abbie as they reached the door.

"I do, thanks Abb's." Replied Casey, waiting until Abbie was in the elevator before closing the door.

Taking a deep breath Casey walked into the kitchen and picked up the dustpan and brush before clearing up the broken glass in her bedroom and cleaning the cut on her foot. Heating up the soup Serena made it took just two mouthful before she realised Abbie was right and dumped it out. Picking up a cookie and another bottle of beer she flopped down on the sofa turning on a mindless movie she allowed the chatter and the rain on the windows to lull her to sleep.

_  
James had spent the night tossing and turning, as he walked through the cemetery he thought back to the argument with Alex the night before. There was a part of him, a big part that wanted to go back to Alex and shake her until she saw sense and realised she could be with Casey and have a career. He'd watched over the last few months as the spark came back into her eyes and her smile become natural and not the forced one that had been in place since Jill and Ally died.

Reaching his niece and sister's grave, he sat on the bench and ran a hand over the stubble that had built up on his chin overnight. "Hey sis, how's life...well not life...you know what I mean."

Giving a small laugh at his awkwardness he took a breath and tried again. "So, I need some advice. Alex met someone, her names Casey Novak. You would like her, she reminds me of you, all smart and feisty. Anyway, she was finally starting to be happy and then something happened and she ended things with her and accepted a marriage proposal from the moron Biggs."

Pausing as someone walked past he continued, "I walked out, I can't watch he destroy herself again, I know you made me promise I would always be her friend but I can't Jilly, I can't watch her destroy herself again. I don't know what to do, please Jilly I'm so lost, give me a sign or something." Pleaded James.

He sat in silence for an hour until the summer shower soaked through his light jacket making him shiver. Reaching his car he started to feel angry with Biggs and decided he would and see him at least make sure he knew hurting Alex wouldn't end well for him. Pulling up he took a deep breath and walked to the door and knocked.

"What do you want?" Came the curt greeting.

"I want to make sure you treat Alex well and know that if you don't I will make you pay." Replied James, trying to mask his fear as Biggs stepped towards him.

"You come near me or Alexandra again and I'll destroy you, do you understand pretty boy?" Hissed Biggs as he pressed James up against the wall.

"She's like my little sister..." Started James only to halt as he felt his windpipe being crushed by the larger man's right grip.

"She's going to be my wife, that means I say who she see's, who she talks to and what she does. Do you understand?" Replied Biggs loosening his grip as the man in front of him started to go limp.

Watching as James slumped to the floor grasping at his throat, Biggs aimed a hard kick at his ribs, "I." Kick "Said." Kick "Do." Kick "You." Kick "Understand?"

"Y-yes." Wheezed James struggling to his feet.

"Get the fuck off my property then." Snarled Biggs.  
_

Hearing a frantic knocking at her door Casey's eyes slammed open, reaching out she turned on the lamp lighting up the dark room. As the knock came again she climbed unsteadily to her feet and marched towards the door, trying in vain to quash her temper before she could open the door, unleashing hell on her unsuspecting visitor.

Opening the door she blinked several times as she tried to process what she was seeing, "James? What the hell happened? Is Alex okay?"

"Biggs...I-I can I come in?" Asked the bruised and shivering man.

"Of course." Replied Casey stepping aside. "I'll get you a towel unless you want a shower? I'm sure I have something you can wear?"

"Actually that would be nice." Replied James shivering from the cold and the emotions of the day.

Thirty minutes later the two were sitting on Casey's sofa each nursing a beer, "So what happened?" Asked Casey.

Taking a deep breath James told her everything from the argument with Alex the night before to the reason Biggs attacked him, "I don't know what to do." Admitted James as he finished talking.

"I could kill him." Offered Casey with no hint of humour in her voice.

"How about we call that plan b?" Replied James wincing as he moved.

"She came to see me today." Replied Casey, explaining the conversation she had shared with the blonde earlier in the day.

"What a fucking mess." Replied James.

"You can say that again." Replied Casey. "What are we going to do? We can't let him hurt her but I doubt she will listen to me."

"She won't listen to either of us, she's a hard-headed madam." Replied James a slight smile curling the corner of his lips.

"That's the truth." Replied Casey. "I think it's time to do a little behind enemy line recon."

"What do you have in mind?" Asked James.

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you." Replied Casey with a small smile. "Trust me?" Asked Casey.

"Of course." Replied James.

The two talked until the early hours of the morning, before Casey made the sofa up for James to sleep on and crawled into bed, a plan forming in her mind as she drifted off to sleep.

As she felt Biggs shudder his release and roll off her Alex turned on her side, swallowing her nausea as she felt his breath on the back of her neck, she laid still until his breathing evened out and slipped from the bed.

Walking into her study she poured a large glass of whiskey and walked to the window as she stared at her pale reflection, she took in the small bruise forming on her cheek. As she swallowed the whisky in one she winced as the alcohol found the cut on her lip. Closing her eyes she let her tears slide down her cheeks, what had she done? She knew she had messed everything up and worse still there was no one to blame but herself and no one to turn to for help.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N; I got this up quickly for several reasons, firstly Surfrider, your review made me chuckle as did the one from the guest who said I was awesome, thanks for reviewing nan. Secondly, every one of you who reviewed are amazing and I'm thrilled you're enjoying the ride. Lastly, had I not my fiancée threatened to cut me off for life, let's hope she likes the chapter otherwise I'm going to be a very frustrated writer with no inspiration for sexy times scene**.

_"Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it."- J.K. Rowling._

Having fallen asleep at her desk Alex gingerly sat up and rolled her neck, hoping to ease the knots that had formed thanks to her uncomfortable sleeping angle. Looking at her watch she sighed in relief as she saw it was just before five meaning Biggs wouldn't be awake yet. Picking up her glass she padded towards the kitchen and rinsed the glass before chugging a large glass of water and switching on the coffee maker.

Pouring a cup of coffee she walked onto the decking letting the crisp morning air wake her up, as she gazed across the lawn she thought of the evenings spent with James and Casey, laughing and just being herself, relaxing over a glass of wine with friends. Whenever Casey was around she felt alive, as if the redhead was her very own life source, James had been right Casey had eased the pain in her heart caused by the loss of Jill and Ally. She knew it would never fully be healed and had long ago accepted that as her penance for her part in their deaths, but Casey had given her a reason besides her career to get up each day.

Taking a sip of her coffee she almost yelped as the heat found the cut on her lip caused by the back hander Biggs had given her the night before when she had hesitated about sleeping with him, closing her eyes against the memories she felt her anger start to build. She was many things but she wasn't weak, standing she walked back into the kitchen and put her cup in the sink her mind running on autopilot as she climbed the stairs to guest room, having not been able to stand the thought of having him in the same bed as she and Casey had spent nights making love in.

Seeing he was still asleep she quietly walked out of the room and across the hall to her own bedroom. Crossing the room to the bathroom she showered and pulled on a fresh pair of jeans and a long-sleeved shirt before walking back into the guest bedroom. Making sure to slam the door behind her, a smirk crossing her face as Biggs jumped up and looked around confused as to what had woken him.

Picking up his clothes she threw them at him, feeling somewhat satisfied when the buckle of his belt hit his eye making it water, "Get dressed, get out of my house and out of my life."

Standing Biggs pulled on his jeans before stepping towards Alex who was stood with her arms folded not blinking, reaching out he grabbed a handful of her hair, "I will decide when we are done not you." Growled Biggs.

"No." Replied Alex, cringing at the pain in her head, "We're done, your nothing but a thug and I don't want you in my life now or ever."

"And you are a whore and I'm not done with you." Growled Biggs pushing Alex to her knee's his intentions clear.

Fighting her fear Alex grabbed his wrist and twisted the way Casey had shown her, causing him to lose his grip, pushing him backwards she swallowed, "Get out before I call the police and have you arrested for assault."

Lifting his hand Biggs slapped Alex with such force it sent her to her knee's as she scrambled to stand he aimed a kick at her ribs, "It's no loss you really are the Ice Queen." As he walked to the door he turned and aimed a hard kick at her head.

Alex was vaguely aware of a door slamming as she slumped against the wall, lifting a hand to her head she winced as it came away sticky with blood. Fighting the urge to vomit she struggled to her feet and carefully walked back to her bedroom and slumped down on her bed reaching for the phone, she dialled a familiar number praying she hadn't left it too late to reach out to her friend for help.

Her call was answered on the third ring, "Alex?"

"James, I was wrong about so many things, I need you." Whispered Alex as her tears began to fall.

"I'll be there in ten." Replied James.

"Thank you." Whispered Alex slumping back against her pillows.

"There's nothing to thank me for, we're family." Replied James as he hung up.

**Meanwhile...**  
Waking up Casey stretched, wincing as her head ached a reminder of the alcohol she had consumed over the last few days. Climbing out of bed she took a shower and dressed before padding into the lounge in time to hear James finish a phone call.

"Good morning, you want some coffee?" Offered Casey as James stepped into the kitchen.

"No, I have to go. That was Alex on the phone. Something's happened, she sounded upset." Replied James.

"Okay, I have a few errands to run, will you let me know that she's okay?" Asked Casey as she poured a generous measure of coffee into a travel mug and handed it to James.

"Thanks for the coffee. I'll call you as soon as I know what's going on. Casey, I know she loves you, just don't give up on her." Replied James with a small smile.

"No promises." Replied Casey, "Now bugger off."

"Thanks Casey." Replied James pulling Casey in for a hug.

"Cut it out." Laughed Casey, waiting until James was almost at the door she called, "Um James as much as I think you can pull off sweatpants and a green Hogwarts t-shirt. You might want to change before unleashing the look on the good people of New York."

Looking down at what he was wearing James struck a supermodel pose, "Oh Darling, I look simply fabulous." Before heading into Casey's bathroom and changing into his clothes from the night before. Stepping out he saw Casey was on the phone, sending her a wave and a smile he headed out of the door, hoping Alex had come to her senses and found the courage to go after the person who made her happy.

Watching as the door closed behind James, Casey returned her focus to her phone call, "Abbie I know she hurt me but I'm asking for your help. Please, for me?"

Sighing Abbie replied, "What do you need?"

Suppressing a sigh of relief Casey replied, "Are you still friendly with the cop, Stabler I think his name was? You know the one from the Marines?"

"Yeah, he's a Detective with SVU in New York now, why?" Asked Abbie.

Casey could hear the confusion in her friend's voice, "Can you get him to run a background on Biggs? There's something there I just need to find it." Replied Casey.

"I'll ask him, it will probably cost me big so know I'm sending you the bill. Case, don't get hurt again please." Replied Abbie.

"I'll pay whatever it costs you and throw in some babysitting so you and Rena can have some adult time. I promise, I'll be careful but I can't stand by and watch him hurt her." Replied Casey, before taking a deep breath knowing her next favour might be one too far, "One other thing."

"Yes?" Replied Abbie her tone wary.

"I need to borrow Benson for the day." Replied Casey.

"Why? I wouldn't have thought you would need a bodyguard." Replied Abbie a smirk in her voice.

"It's not for me. He already went after James once I'm not prepared to take the chance of him doing it again." Replied Casey.

"So you want her to guard James?" Asked Abbie.

"Kind of, he's with Alex if she can just watch the house and give me a heads up if he turns up. I'll pay for her hours." Replied Casey.

"Consider it done." Replied Abbie after a small pause.

"Thank you Abb's." Replied Casey.

"Don't make me regret it." Replied Abbie, but Casey knew she was smiling. "I'll call you back as soon as I have something." Concluded Abbie as she hung up.

Dialling another number Casey called in a favour and got a copy of Biggs military record, as she read she felt her tempter start to rise. As she read the number of complaints that had been lodged against him. Throwing the folder aside she stood and started to pace this guy was a first-rate slime ball and he was close to the woman she loved. Deciding she would go for a run to work off her excess energy she pulled on her running gear and headed to the park, plugging in her iPod she started running, the tempo of the music and her feet hitting the pavement helping to calm her anger.

As she started another lap of her favourite jogging path her phone stated ringing slowing down she answered, "Hello?"

"Hi Case, its James."

"Hi, you sound worried? Everything okay?" Asked Casey slowing to a walk.

"He beat her." Replied James his voice tight with anger.

"How bad is it?" Asked Casey turning in the direction of her apartment.

"Her face is bruised and although she's trying to hide it she's obviously in pain when she walks and sits down." Relayed James.

"I have an errand to run and I'll be round, take care of her for me." Replied Casey hanging up and rushing back to her apartment, just as she arrived she saw Abbie coming out of the door, "Abb's?"

"I just dropped the file off, Stabler said if you need him to warn Biggs off he's more that happy to oblige." Replied Abbie, "You were right the guy is a bastard."

"He beat her and James." Replied Casey her voice thick with anger.

"Casey, don't do anything stupid." Warned Abbie.

"I wont." Replied Casey, forcing a smile to her face as she said goodbye to her friend. After showering she read through the file Abbie had brought over before picking her keys and pulling out into the traffic, her bike easily weaving through the rush hour traffic.

Reaching Biggs house she found the house in darkness, making sure her bike was hidden from view she picked the lock and slipped inside the disarming and rearming the alarm as she did so. Walking into the kitchen she took out a bottle of beer and headed back to the lounge, sitting in the armchair she popped her feet up on the table. Prepared to wait as long as it took, an hour later she was halfway through her beer as she heard a key in the lock and the alarm being turned off. She watched silently as Biggs walked into the kitchen unaware of her presence.

As he came back in and flicked on the TV she decided to make her presence known, "Good evening."

Spitting out the mouthful of beer he had just taken Biggs demanded, "What the fuck do you think you're doing in my house?"

Standing Casey took a step forwards, "I'm here to give you some free advice, stay away from Alex and James or else."

"Or else what?" Asked Biggs with a sneer, "She didn't object to my presence last night."

"I know about you and your little...perversion." Replied Casey keeping her voice level, making no effort to block the blow he aimed at her face.

"You listen to me.." Replied Biggs pulling his arm back to throw another punch only for Casey to catch his arm and twist it behind his back.

"No, you listen to me" Replied Casey as she twisted Biggs arm harder and forced him to his knee's. "If you so much as raise your voice to Alex ever again, I will kill you in every way you fear and make sure your body is never found." Twisting harder until she heard a satisfying crack she asked, "Do you understand?"

"Fuck you." Hissed Biggs.

"I think not, take my advice and leave because I promise you I'm going to be watching you and if I so much as see a hair out of place on Alex's head or James's then I'm coming for you." Replied Casey shoving Biggs to the floor.

"You're going to pay for this." Shouted Biggs.

"Really, because from where I'm standing you're in no position to make threats." Replied Casey spinning on her heel and walking away ignoring the vile remarks Biggs was yelling at her back.

Once outside Casey took a few calming breaths before climbing back on her bike and heading towards Alex's house just as the first clap of thunder sounded. Arriving at the blonde house Casey jogged up the steps and knocked on the door, grinning at James as he opened it, "Your eye."

"Is fine, you should see the other guy." Grinned Casey, "Is she here?"

"In the study." Replied James stepping aside and allowing her to pass, "I take it he got the message."

"Oh yes, it was breaking news." Smirked Casey as she strode towards the study and walked in without knocking.

Looking up as the door was flung open Alex jumped to her feet as she saw Casey walking towards her, water making her shirt cling to her, the beginnings of a bruise forming on her eye and a determined look on her face. "C-casey?"

Looking at the bruises covering the blondes face, Casey gave a sad shake of the head wishing she had broken both his arms. "Alex, I love you. I have loved you from the first time I saw you smile, I never thought I would fall in love again after loosing Brooke but without trying you broke through all of my walls and stole my heart. I promise to support all your dreams, share all your adventures, let you ride my motor bike, hold you when you cry and make you smile when your sad. I will spend the rest of my life at your side, loving you, wanting you, protecting you and supporting you. All you have to do is take the chance and I'm yours."

"Casey.."

"This is it though, the last time I will do this because my heart can't take being broken again, so Alex, do you love me?"

Blinking back her tears Alex walked around her desk until she was standing in front of Casey, "Yes I love you and I want to spend my life with you, but I'm afraid. When I lost Jill I swore I would never love anyone else and I stuck to that until you walked into my life and if I'm honest it's the thought of loving you that scares me more than the thought of loosing my office."

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise." Whispered Casey stepping forward to close the gap between them.

"Casey.."

"Alex.." Smiled Casey as she ducked her head and claimed Alex's lips in a tender kiss.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N; iTrick1984, Tripperz thank you ;-). I'm so very please you're enjoying this, thank you for all the reviews and loveliness, you all rock. **

"_Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."- Winston Churchill._

Ending the kiss Casey took a small step back and stroked a gentle hand over the bruises the marred the blondes beautiful features, "Your beautiful face."

"Will heal. Casey, I love you, please don't leave me." Whispered Alex, "I was a fool, but I do love you."

"I'm not going anywhere, I want to be with you Alex. If you'll let me I will be by your side for the rest of my life." Promised Casey stepping close and pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of Alex's mouth, frowning as she tasted tears, "Hey, whats wrong?"

"I'm just so happy, you're here." Smiled Alex.

"Me too." Replied Casey, pressing another kiss to Alex's lips, careful to avoid putting pressure on the blonde split lip.

"Knock, knock." Called James from the doorway, "Is it safe to come in?"

Grinning Casey replied, "It's safe Jimmy Boy."

"Jimmy Boy?" Asked Alex with a frown.

Rolling his eyes James sent Casey a grin, "I brought champers, let's get this zombie party started."

"Zombie party?" Asked Alex looking between the two of them and rolling her eyes when they both just pointed to their various cuts and bruises. "Your both bonkers, you know that right?"

"Yep, but we work here so it helps." Smirked James, as he opened the bottle and poured them all a generous measure, "To Alex and Casey, may this be the start of your life together. I couldn't be happier for the two of you."

Clinking their glasses together they headed into the lounge, Casey and Alex sitting close together on the couch whilst James reclined in the armchair and they shared light conversation and easy banter. Casey telling Alex about James lack of co-ordination on a surfboard causing the blonde to laugh and tease him. James in turn shared stories of Alex as a teenager, including pictures of her Goth phase.

At a lull in the conversation Alex decided it was time to broach the subject of Biggs, "Casey, what happened to your face? I know about James's injuries and mine, it's just yours that needs an explanation."

"Would you believe me if I said I walked into a door?" Asked Casey with a small smirk.

"Nope." Replied Alex, "So spill."

Taking a deep breath Casey ran through everything she had found out that day and debated how much to tell them before quickly deciding that they had a right to know everything she knew. Taking another breath she ran a hand through her hair and moved slightly so she was facing Alex and James.

"Okay, so after James left this morning I called in a couple of favours, I managed to get a copy of Biggs military and civilian files. They are both full of accusations of both physical and sexual assaults, each one has dropped or swept under the rug, I'm assuming his family name has something to do with it."

"What sort of sexual allegations?" Asked Alex, her jaw tight.

"Mainly prostitution, there was one account of soliciting a minor and two for rape in a combat zone." Replied Casey, reaching out and resting her hand on Alex's leg worried at how pale her girlfriend had become.

"How did I not see it?" Muttered Alex, starting to shake.

"How could you have?" Asked James sending his friend a warm smile.

"I prosecuted sex crimes most of my career and I didn't see he was a perverted bastard, hell until he slapped me I thought he was just an entitled brat, who thought he was goods gift to women." Replied Alex. "I'm such an idiot."

"Alex, calm down." Whispered Casey, pulling Alex in for a hug. "I paid him a little visit this evening and after a little chat I think he understood where I was coming from." Replied Casey.

"What happened, during this little chat of yours that led to you getting a black eye?" Asked Alex, fixing Casey with a pointed stare.

"Like I said we had a discussion, he threw a punch and then I made it clear that if he ever so much as raised his voice to either of you it wouldn't end well for him." Replied Casey with a shrug.

"And he agreed? Just like that?" Asked Alex with a raised eyebrow.

'Well, I may have twisted his arm a little." Replied Casey with a small smirk, causing James to give her a high-five.

"What if he goes to the police?" Asked James.

"And tells them what? He hit her first he was acting in self-defence." Replied Alex, with a shrug.

"Besides, I have a friend in the DA's office, I'm sure she'll cut me a good deal." Replied Casey.

"I think she could be persuaded to consider leniency." Smiled Alex, pressing a small kiss to the bruise on Casey's face. "I'm sorry he hurt you, both of you."

"Alex, we both love you and a few bruises and an a bout of lunacy on your part, aren't going to change that. We all make mistakes, it just proves you're human, something I was frankly starting to doubt." Replied James with a smirk as he moved to the couch so he was sitting on the other side of Alex, giving her a one-armed hug.

"I love you." Whispered Alex relaxing into James embrace.

"I love you too, your like my sister and you always will be." Replied James. "Now, I'm off to bed, I have a feeling we're going to be busy over the next few days." Saying his good nights, he left Alex and Casey seated in silence on the couch.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, just savouring the felling of the others embrace, just as Casey was wondering if Alex had fallen asleep the blonde spoke, "Do you really think he will just let me go?"

"If he knows whats good for him and if he is stupid enough to come after you then we will cross that bridge together." Replied Casey, pulling Alex further in to her embrace.

"I'm so afraid." Whispered Alex burying her face in Casey's neck.

"Afraid of what?" Asked Casey, trying to swallow the fear that Alex was about to push her away again.

"Of so many things." Admitted Alex.

"Explain them to me." Whispered Casey, rubbing small circles on the blondes back.

"I'm afraid of coming out, I'm afraid of Biggs retaliation and mostly I'm afraid of losing you." Replied Alex

"Well I'm not going anywhere. Alex I wish I could see in the future and tell you how our lives will play out, but I can't. What I can tell you is that I love you. I love your awful taste in movies, your instance that Bigfoot exists, I love that you have no idea just how beautiful you are and mostly I love the way you make me feel." Replied Casey.

"You make me feel as if there is a reason I didn't die that day in the desert, you make me want to get up each morning and live my life. For the first time since Brooke's death, I want to live and that's because of you."

"I don't deserve you." Replied Alex as she crawled further into Casey's embrace.

"Yes you do." Replied Casey leaning down she claimed Alex's lips in a soft kiss, "You should get some sleep."

"Will you stay?" Asked Alex sounding nervous.

"If you want me to." Replied Casey standing.

"I want you too." Replied Alex.

Leaning down Casey swept Alex into her arms bridal style and carried her up the stairs to the blondes bedroom and laid her softly on the bed. As she looked around the room Biggs words from earlier began to replay in her head.

"He- we slept in the spare room, I couldn't bear the idea of him being in the bed we had made love in." Whispered Alex as i sensing Casey's hesitance.

"Did you..." Started Casey before trailing off, unsure she really wanted to know to know the answer.

"Yes." Replied Alex deciding she wanted to be totally honest with Casey so there was nothing that could be used against them later. "It was awful, I-I didn't want to."

"Did he force you?" Asked Casey her voice tight with anger.

"No, not as such. I knew it was going to happen, because I was less than enthusiastic and not really involved he slapped me..." Started Alex looking down at her hands.

"WHAT?" Demanded Casey as she made for the door her anger pounding in her ears.

"Casey, calm down please." Said Alex as she reached out a hand and gripped Casey's arm stopping her from leaving.

"You have two minutes to convince me that bastard didn't force you or I won't be responsible for my actions." Replied Casey anger radiating from her in waves.

Swallowing Alex took Casey's hand and led her to the bed, "It wasn't rape, I willingly slept with him. It was just bad because all I could think about was how wrong it felt because it wasn't you and he wasn't exactly hitting the right buttons. I never want to make that mistake again, you are the only person I want to share my life with and my bed." Pressing a kiss to Casey's cheek she could still feel the redheads anger. "Please calm down, I just want to fall asleep in your arms. James was right its going to be a busy few days."

"Okay." Replied Casey forcing a smile to her face.

"I'll find you something to sleep in, I'm afraid the shirt you left here is in the wash." Seeing Casey's confused look she explained, "I used it to sleep in because it made me feel close to you."

Tilting her head to the side Casey had a smile on her face, "That's very sweet."

"I shouldn't have been an idiot and then I'd have had the real thing." Replied Alex with a sad shake of the head.

Walking around the bed Casey lightly raised Alex's chin until their eyes met, "It's over with, we're together now and that's all that matters."

"You're an amazing woman and I'm so lucky to be loved by you and to love you." Replied Alex with a soft smile.

An hour later Casey was fast asleep her arms wrapped around Alex's waist, her lips slightly upturned as if she was smiling. As she laid wrapped in her lovers safe embrace Alex began tracing random patterns on Casey's arm as she thought about what she was going to say to the press. She had to 'come out' before someone outed her, she just needed to find the right words and the best way to do it. She was dreading having to answer questions about Jill and Ally knowing it would reopen the wounds for James as well as herself.

"I can hear you thinking." Mumbled Casey pulling Alex further into her embrace.

"Sorry." Muttered Alex.

"Talk to me?" Whispered Casey.

"I'm fine. You need to sleep my beautiful girl." Replied Alex leaning up and claiming Casey's lips in a soft kiss.

"I know you're nervous about coming out, but I'll be by your side and so will James. There are a lot of people who will support you gay or not." Replied Casey, pressing a lone of kisses along Alex's neck.  
"I know. It's more...facing the questions about Jill and Ally, I don't want to lie about them anymore but I'm terrified I won't be strong enough to face them." Whispered Alex.

"Alex, you're one of the strongest people I've ever met." Replied Casey.

"You realise as soon as they know we're dating your private life is going to become public?" Replied Alex turning so she was facing Casey, their noses almost touching.

"I can take it." Replied Casey, placing a feather light kiss on Alex's lips.

"No skeletons in your closet? No secret sex fetishes?" Asked Alex a mischievous smile coming to her face as she pushed Casey on to her back and claimed her lips in a blistering kiss.

As the kiss ended Casey's eyes were glazed with arousal, she opened and closed her mouth several times as she tried to find something witty as a reply.

Looking down as Casey's dazed expression Alex smirked and slid her hand under the redhead's shirt, groaning as her fingertips brushed a had nipple. As she lightly pinched it between her thumb and finger she felt Casey arch her back and press into her, "You're so beautiful."

"So are you." Whispered Casey reaching up and tucking a strand of hair behind Alex's ear, as she lightly brushed her finger tips across Alex's bruised cheek before pulling her down for another soft kiss. "As mush as I would love to make love to you, I can see you're sore, so stop teasing me and come lay in my arms."

"Don't you want me?" Asked Alex trying and failing to keep the wobble out of her voice.

Gently flipping them over so she was above the blonde Casey took a deep breath before replying, "Of course I want you, your beautiful and making love with you is a joy that I could never tire of, but Alex you're hurting emotionally and physically. I know your trying to hide it but its clear from the way you walk and sit, not to mention I saw the bruises. So, we are going to wait and then when your feeling better I'm going to take you on a proper date."

"Sorry." Whispered Alex.

"No more apologies." Replied Casey in a firm voice as she pulled Alex's back against her front and tangling their legs together. Giving a relived sigh as she felt Alex's breathing even out and was soon asleep herself.

The following day Alex and James spent most of the day in Alex's study preparing her speech for the following day, by the time she collapsed in bed next to Casey that night she still wasn't sure what she was going to say. As she laid down she expected to be awake all night, she had always had trouble sleeping but as Casey wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close her worries fled her mind and she soon found herself drifting off to sleep.

Before she knew it she was standing next to James and Casey waiting to address the throng of reporters gathered in front of her office, she still wasn't sure what she was going to say. Taking a deep breath she cast one last look at James and Casey before stepping up to the podium and cleared her throat. As she looked at the people waiting for her to start speaking she saw Casey and James had moved so they were in her eye line, she saw Casey reach into her own pocket and wink she copied the motion, her hands closing over the pebble Casey had given her the day they went to the beach and suddenly she knew exactly what she wanted to say.

"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure you're wondering why I called this press conference, I won't keep you in suspense any longer." Making eye contact with Casey she continued, " Today I want to talk to you about love."

"When I was seven my father took me to the White House and as he explained to me how the government worked, something happened to me. I learned to respect politics and over time as i learned more that respect turned in to a love the same love I have for the law which is what made me such a zealous prosecutor. For years I've been dedicated to serving the people of New York inside a courtroom. Representing those who had, in one way or another had their voices taken from them, and now I'm running for office so I can represent the people of this city in a bigger arena. I want to be the voice calling for better health care, better wages and harsher punishments for slum lords. It's always been my goal and even if I don't get elected as Mayor, I will continue to pursue those goals and represent the people to the best of my abilities in the arena available to me ."

Taking a deep breath she gripped the pebble tighter in her hand and continued, "However, today I want to talk to you about a more personal kind of love. For years, I've faced rumours about my sexuality and my relationships. So today I'm coming out and saying that, I am gay and whats more, I'm in love with a wonderful woman, a woman who served her country in the military, who is in afraid to challenge me and my view of the world and who constantly pushed me to be a better person."

Swallowing several times to try and ease her dry throat she continued, "I never meant to hide my sexuality, I'm certainly not ashamed of being a gay woman. Until now I've never been brave enough to be the real me in the public arena, a fear that I'm ready to face knowing I have a wonderful woman at my side. Thank you all for listening, I'll take a few questions now."

An hour later Alex stepped down from the podium and headed into climbed in the car next to Casey who quickly wrapped her arms around Alex and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, "I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you." Replied Alex.

"Me two." Added James, "And I know Jill would have been proud as well."

Unable to speak Alex nodded and buried her face in Casey's neck letting the smell of Casey's perfume calm her. Arriving home she was disappointed when Casey announced she was leaving, "Do you have to go?"

"I do, I have a date tonight and I need to get ready." Grinned Casey.

"A-a date?" Asked Alex her eyes widening in anger, "Was this punishment.."

"Al, calm down." Laughed Casey, "I have a date with you, I promised once you were settled I would take you on a real date, so I'll pick you up at seven?"

"Jerk." Muttered Alex.

"Yeah, but you love me." Smirked Casey pressing a quick kiss to Alex's lips before turning to leave, she had just reached the door when she heard Alex's voice.

"Case, I do love you. I'll see you at seven." Smiled Alex as she watched Casey leave her heart felt lighter than it had in a long time.


	11. Chapter 11

_"I may not be your first love, first kiss, first sight, or first date but I just want to be your last."-Unknown._

Arriving back at her apartment Casey headed into the kitchen and began making a list of the things she needed from the store to prepare dinner, having decided she would cook at her apartment for the two of them, knowing the press would be clamouring for pictures of them together. Armed with her list she headed to the store, calling into the florets she arranged for a bouquet of flowers to be delivered to Alex that afternoon, as her pen hovered over the card she tried to think of something that would let Alex know she was serious about her, about being in a relationship with her, being with her through the good and the bad.

'_Alex,  
Words aren't my strong point but I read a quote recently that sums up my feelings, "No matter what has happened. No matter what you've done. No matter what you will do. I will always love you. I swear it."  
All my love, now forever and always.  
Casey xx'_

Leaving the flower-shop she headed to the store for the ingredients for the dinner and wine, walking home a jewellers caught her eye and Casey decided to take a look, she had wanted to get Alex a gift, something she could always have with her. Stepping inside she browsed the shelves hoping something would jump out at her, as she was browsing the rings a White Gold ring, of a heart held by two hands wearing a crown caught her eye.

Asking to see it, she slid it onto her finger she tried to picture it on the blondes finger, "Do you know the meaning of the Claddagh Ring?" Asked the kindly Jeweller.

"I think so, my father's family was Irish and he gave my mum one like this when they were courting, love, loyalty and friendship, I think?"

"That's correct, we have some with that inscribed on the band if you'd like to see one?"

"Please." Replied Casey, twenty minutes later Casey left the store happy with her purchase.

Arriving home she put the shopping away and set about preparing dinner for that evening. As she cooked she switched the local news channel and found herself re-watching Alex's press conference, god Alex looked beautiful. As she listened to the opinions of other people, she laughed as Babs Duffy described Alex as 'A welcome addition to the Gay Team.'.

Calling her mother for advice three times, Casey managed to prepare the marinade for the Salmon, the base for the cheese cake and lay the table in a somewhat proper fashion. By six that evening everything was ready apart from Casey herself, stepping in to the shower she closed her eyes and let the cool water revive her, who knew making dinner could be so exhausting? Especially if you were trying to make a good impression on the woman you were in love with, being in love with Alex terrified her but it was a good kind of fear. It was like the fear you got before you took on a big wave or rode your motorbike as fast as you could on an open road.

Stepping out of the shower Casey took her time selecting what to wear, she had told Alex jeans were appropriate dress for the evening, settling on black jeans, long-sleeved white t-shirt and her motorbike boots, she applied a light amount of make up before giving herself a last look over in the mirror. Making sure the oven was off she headed down to the lobby of her building, shocked at the number of press outside her building.

Heading over to the doorman she asked, "How long have they been out there?"

"About three hours, their waiting for you. I won't let them in the building though so don't worry."  
"Thanks Mark." Replied Casey already heading back towards the elevator her cell phone in her hand.

"No problem Miss Novak. Oh Miss Novak, know me and the wife will be voting for Miss Cabot in the elections, I hope you make each other very happy."

"Thank you Mark." Replied Casey as she stepped into the elevator, pleased it was empty. Pressing the speed dial for Alex's cell she waited for an answer, "Come on Alex pick up." Muttered Casey as the elevator pinged announcing her arrival at her desired floor.

As she reached her door Alex's answer phone message kicked in, giving a frustrated sigh she hung up and dialled James's number, groaning when she received the busy tone. Walking inside she leaned against her closed door, hearing her phone ring she rushed to answer it hoping it was Alex. "Hello?"

"Miss Novak, my name is Stacy Potts from..."

"No comment." Relied Casey hanging up, only for it to immediately ring again, "Hello?"

"Miss Novak..."

Slamming the recover down Casey yanked the wire out the wall as she brought her cell phone to her ear, "Casey?" The familiar melody of Alex's voice almost bringing her to her knees, with relief.

"Alex, my apartment is surrounded with press and my phone won't stop ringing...I don't know what to say to them." Rambled Casey.

"Case, I'm so sorry, are you okay?" Asked Alex her voice catching in fear Casey would walk away because of the pressure.

"Yeah, it just took me a little by surprise. About our date tonight, do you mind a change of venue?"

"You still want to see me?" Asked Alex a hint of fear in her voice.

"Alex, I love you and I told you I'm in no matter what comes our way."

"Thank you Casey and thank you for the flowers. I love you too."

"Good, I'll pick you up in half an hour, pack a bag and bring the crash hat I left at yours, we're making a great escape."

"I can't wait." Replied Alex a smile spreading across her face.

"Nor can I." Casey felt herself relax as she heard the smile in her girlfriends voice, "I'm on my way."

"Drive safe." Replied Alex as she hung up.

Heading into her bedroom Casey packed a holdall as she called James telling him her plan and making sure it wouldn't cause any problems for Alex's campaign. Pulling on her bikers jacket she collected the food she had made she headed back down to the lobby, handing the food to Mark she wished him a nice weekend and headed into the garage. She managed to reach her bike without alerting the press to her existence, pulling out of the garage on to the road she was forced to weave through the crowd, once she was clear she revved the engine and headed towards Alex's house. As she arrived at the blonde's house she could see even more press crowding around the property, navigating the crowd she told the police officers who she was and once she was waved through headed up the drive the flashes of the camera's reflecting off her mirrors.

As she reached the door it was opened and she was pulled inside, "James, I didn't know you cared." Laughed Casey.

"Haha. She's almost ready. How you handling the vultures?"

"I've handled 's Alex handling it?"

"Okay, she's getting a lot of support from the press, I mean there's some negativity but mostly it's positive." Replied James.

"That's good, the last thing I want is for her career to suffer."

Coming down the stairs Alex had caught the end of their conversation, "I don't care if it does, I'm sick of hiding who I really am. I've already lost so much through hiding and I almost lost both of you, I'm not willing to do it again."

"Good, now go and enjoy your weekend." Smiled James.

"Weekend." Frowned Alex.

"Yep, you and I are getting away from it for a few days." Grinned Casey.

"I don't know if I've packed enough..." She was cut off by James's loud laugh, "What?"

"As if you'll need clothes." Replied James with a smirk.

"Jerk." Smiled Alex as they said their goodbyes.

"Ready?" Asked Casey as they paused at the door.

"No, I'm missing one thing." Replied Alex leaning forward and claiming Casey's lips in a soft kiss, "Now I'm ready."

"Okay then." Grinned Casey opening the door and ushering Alex on to the bike, pulling out of the gate she drove slowly until they were through the crowd. Through out the forty minute drive Alex kept her arms wrapped tightly around Casey, pulling into the marina Casey put in her security code and headed towards her boat.

Parking she pulled her helmet off, turning to the confused looking blonde behind her and explained, "I brought this when I came back...it was a shed and I spent my time doing it up, it kept me somewhat sane. Anyway, its a little basic but its serviceable, there's running water, electricity and even Wi-Fi thanks to Serena and no one but she and Abbie knows it exists so we'll be left alone."

Taking in the sleek boat Alex smiled, "It's perfect, I can't believe you did all the work yourself. I love the ocean."

"Good, let's get our bags stowed away and we can get some supplies, maybe watch a movie? We can take the boat out tomorrow."

Two hours later they were laying on the small sofa watching or rather not watching some old black and white movie neither had ever heard of that they had brought in the local grocery store. As Alex slid her hands under Casey's shirt she frowned as the redhead broke the kiss and pulled away.

"Casey?"

"I have something for you." Whispered Casey as she slipped from Alex's embrace and collected the small box she had placed in her bag, coming back into the lounge she was surprised to find Alex staring at the floor.

"Hey?"

"Don't you want me anymore?" Asked Alex her voice strained with tears.

"Of course I want you, how can you ask that?" Replied Casey walking across the small space and pulling Alex into her arms.

"Since Biggs...it's like you don't want to touch me."

"No, Alex I want you all the time. I want to make love to you but he hurt you emotionally and physically and I want you to be healed before we make love. I promise what happened with him hasn't changed the way I feel about you, in fact, I got you this." Replied Casey holding out the box to the blonde. Seeing Alex frown she gave a small chuckle, "Don't worry I'm not proposing, not yet anyway. I just wanted you to have something to remind you how much I love you." Smiled Casey opening the box to revel the White Gold Claddagh ring she had settled on.

"Casey, it's beautiful." Whispered Alex as Casey slid the ring on the ring finger of her right hand.

"Do you know what the Claddagh stands for?" Seeing the blonde shake her head she went on, "Love, loyalty and friendship. These are the things I promise you, now, forever and always."

"Casey, it's beautiful. I love it. One thing though?"

"Anything." Whispered Casey tucking a strand of hair behind Alex's ear.

"Make love to me." Whispered Alex.

Scoping the blonde into her arms Casey carried her towards her bedroom and gently laid her on the bed, before pulling her shirt over her head and joining the blonde on the bed, claiming her lips in a soft kiss. "You're so beautiful, never doubt how much I love or want you."

"You always make me feel so special."

"You are special. If at anytime I hurt you, tell me and I'll stop."

"Promise." Whispered Alex as she pushed Casey on to her back and claimed her lips in a hard kiss. Pressing kisses along Casey's jaw and down across her throat, nipping the gentle skin just hard enough to leave a mark, she gasped in surprise as Casey quickly flipped their positions.

"Tell me, what you want?" Asked Casey her breathing ragged.

"I want you to make love to me until we're both sated and then I want to fall asleep wrapped in your arms, before spending a weekend watching movies, talking and making love." Replied Alex her voice thick with want.

Feeling her stomach tighten at the need in Alex's voice she leaned in and claimed the blondes mouth in a hard kiss. "I can do that."

Slipping her hands under the blondes shirt she pulled it over her head dropping it to the floor before removing the black lace bra the blonde was wearing adding it to the growing pile of clothing on the floor, once they were both naked Casey, leaned up on one elbow and looked down at the women beneath her, "You are so beautiful, I'm so lucky."

"I'm the lucky one." Whispered Alex, tangling her fingers in Casey's hair and pulling her down for a passionate kiss.

Dragging her lips across the blondes jaw Casey began pressing small kisses along the blondes throat nipping gently at her pulse point before moving down and taking an erect nipple into her mouth she swirled her tongue around the stiff peak, feeling Alex tangle her fingers in her hair keeping her in place. "God, Casey that feel so good."

Leaning up Casey, pressed feather light kisses across Alex's jaw before pressing a soft kiss to her mouth, "I love you Alexandra."

"I love you too." Panted Alex as Casey's mouth found her other nipple, lightly dragging the teeth over it and sucking it into her mouth.

"Oh Casey." Moaned Alex panting at the sensations the redhead was inflicting on her body, the feeling of Casey's mouth on her caused the heat building in her stomach to intensify.

Pressing soft kisses across the bruises that littered the blondes ribs, the scent of her lovers arousal caused Casey's stomach to tighten, continuing her path she kissed down one long leg and back up the other, savouring the feel of her lovers skin under her fingertips. Reaching the top of Alex's thigh she ran her tongue through the waiting wetness, purring at the taste.

"God, Casey, yes!" Moaned Alex as she tangled her fingers in Casey's hair, as she felt Casey's tongue tracing patterns across her sensitive bud, she could feel her orgasm fast approaching, she tugged gently on Casey's hair.

As soon as she felt the tug on her hair Casey stilled her movements and raised her head, "Alex? Are you okay? Are you in pain? Do you want me to stop?"

Giving Casey a reassuring smile, Alex cleared her throat, "Relax, I'm fine, I just...I need to see you."

Nodding Casey kissed her way back up to Alex's mouth she leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of Alex's mouth, entering Alex she moaned in pleasure as the blonde arched up pressing their bodies together, mirroring Casey's actions.

As they rocked against each other, their moans of pleasure mingling, as Casey's mouth found Alex's neck, gently biting down on the pulse point as the feeling of Alex's orgasm sent her crashing over the edge just seconds later.

Slumping down next to the blonde Casey panted, "That was amazing."

"It was." Grinned Alex as she leaned up and straddled Casey's waist, leaning down she whispered, "I want to taste you."

Pressing one more soft kiss to Casey's lips, Alex started kissing her way down Casey's toned stomach as her mouth found the wetness that coated Casey's thighs she purred at the taste, her stomach tightening at the scent of her love arousal, causing her own centre to throb in arousal. Lifting Casey's legs over her shoulders Alex ran her tongue through her lovers wet folds, moaning at the taste, she repeated the motion several times, before lightly sucking the redheads clit into her mouth.

"Alex, God please don't stop." Panted Casey as the blonde began to work her clit with her tongue. Bringing Casey to the edge she pulled back causing Casey to hiss in disappointment. "Please, I need...Please, stop teasing me."

Sending Casey a smirk, Alex began placing a series of delicate kisses and nips along Casey's thighs, waiting until Casey had her breathing under control before she once again took Casey's clit into her mouth and entered her with two fingers. Hearing Casey's moans of pleasure Alex began to move her fingers faster, curling them slightly as she continued to tease Casey's hard clit with her tongue. Causing Casey woman to buck her hips and cum chanting Alex's name.

Kissing her way back up Casey's body Alex claimed her lips In a deep kiss causing Casey to moan at the taste of herself on Alex lips, giving a soft growl Casey nipped Alex's bottom lip lightly with her teeth, before flipping them over so she was above the blonde.

As Alex felt herself being pushed on to her back, she moaned at the feeling of Casey's hand running all over her body, her touch full of hunger. Leaning down Casey began kissing her way down Alex throat biting down hard enough to leave a mark, before soothing the spot with her a small kiss. Looking up at Alex she gave her a smirk before kissing her way back down and flicking her tongue across a taunt nipple, nipping it lightly as she felt Alex scrape her nails down her back. The softness of earlier replaced with an urgency to give her lover realise, kissing across to the other nipple she could feel the heat building in the pit of her stomach again.

Leaning up to claim Alex's mouth in a blistering kiss she traced her fingers through the wetness between Alex's legs. Smiling at the feeling of her lovers arousal she entered Alex with two fingers causing her to moan and call out Casey's name, increasing the speed she leaned up and flicked Alex's nipple with her tongue, feeling Alex's thigh against her own throbbing centre, it didn't take long for Casey to cum again, followed over the edge by Alex.

Slumping down on the bed, there was silence as they regained their breath, "I love you, my darling girl." Whispered Casey as she pulled Alex close.

Fighting a yawn Alex pressed herself into Casey's embrace, "I love you too." As she drifted off to sleep Alex felt a small smile spread across her face, Casey had lived up to the first part of her promise, they had made love and now she was holding Alex tight as they fell asleep, she had no doubt the rest of the weekend would see the fulfilment of Casey's promise.


	12. Chapter 12

_"It's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then."- Lewis Carroll._

The first flash of lightning roused Alex from her slumber, the following bang was muffled, Alex guessed the storm was still a distance from them, rolling on her side she gently stroked a hand down the side of Casey's face. She wasn't sure how she got so lucky with Casey, after Jill she hadn't planned on a relationship and then Casey Novak had strolled in to her life...swaggered might be a better word for it and that plan went flying out the window. Hearing the rain hit the windows, another flash of lightning lit up their small bedroom the bang that followed was louder making Alex jump slightly. Giving a soft laugh she rested back against the pillows cuddling into Casey's side, just as she was starting to drift back to sleep felt Casey start to thrash, she remembered Casey telling her storms had a tendency to trigger her nightmares.

Gently stroking a hand through Casey's hair and cooed her name, "Casey, Casey wake up Sweetheart."

"BROOKE! NO! ABBIE! HELP THEM! PLEASE, PLEASE HELP THEM! KILL ME, KILL ME I DESERVE IT! NO PLEASE NOT ALEX." Yelled Casey thrashing around the bed.

Hearing the fear and anguish in her girlfriends voice Alex swallowed her sadness and shook Casey slightly more forcibly, "Casey, Casey please wake up." She almost fell out of the bed when Casey suddenly sat up and bolted to the bathroom, the sound of retching coming through the closed door. Alex debated the merits of following after her for a second until the sound of sobbing mixed with the retching, in three stride she was at Casey's side pulling her into her arms.

"I've got you." Whispered Alex rubbing Casey's back with one hand reaching for the flannel with the other, "Baby, give me a second." Quickly running the flannel under the warm tap she was back at Casey's side in a matter of seconds, "There, that's better." Rubbing the flannel over Casey's face she pulled her close until her lovers tears stopped.

"I'm sorry." Whispered Casey her throat aching from the tears and the retching.

"That's what I'm here for, do you want to talk?" Asked Alex.

"I...it's just the memories. Sometimes it's too real, I can smell the blood and feel it on my skin, I can't save them. I failed them." Whispered Casey fresh tears in her voice.

"No you didn't Case...you did all you could." Replied Alex.

"What if, what if I let you down. What if someone hurts you and I can't save you?" Replied Casey starting to panic.

"Take a breath, that's it good girl." Whispered Alex, rubbing soothing circles on Casey's back until she was calm, feeling Casey shiver she suddenly realised they were both naked. "Let's get you showered and into something warm." Helping Casey up she sat her on the closed toilet lid and turned on the shower.

"Stay with me." Asked Casey.

"Until the end of time." Replied Alex as they stepped into the shower the warm water soothing the aching from sitting on the cold floor, after a quick shower Alex helped Casey into a pair of flannel pyjama bottoms and a batman t-shirt before pulling on a similar outfit and climbing into bed next to Casey, the storm still raging. Pulling Casey into her arms, Alex gently threaded her fingers through Casey's hair.

"Alex?" Asked Casey her voice unsure.

"Yes darling."

"Thank you."

"Anytime Darling." Replied Alex pressing a kiss to the top of Casey's head as the sound of the rain lulled them to sleep.

Waking up the next morning Alex panicked when she realised she was alone, climbing out of bed she went in search of her girlfriend, the storm from the night before had cleared giving way to a glorious morning. Stepping up on deck she saw Casey nursing a mug of coffee staring out across the horizon, walking over she wrapped her arms around Casey's waste and pressed a kiss to her cheek, "Good morning beautiful."

"Morning." Replied Casey staring forward.

"Case?"

"You should leave."

"What? Why?" Demanded Alex taking a step back hurt and anger colouring her words.

"I'm damaged goods and you deserve so much better." Replied Casey still staring at the sea.

"Casey, you have demons but that doesn't change how much I love you or the fact I want a life with you. Don't push me away."

"Alex. Go before I destroy you."

"LOOK AT ME!" Yelled Alex, yanking Casey around until their eyes met, "You don't get to push me away because you feel vulnerable. I love you, I risked my career to tell the world I love you, so you don't get to walk away. So here's the deal, this conversation never happened and we are going to spend the rest of our weekend enjoying time together, because if I walk away that's it. You have until I'm dressed to decide."

She had walked three steps when she was grabbed from behind and kissed deeply, "I'm an idiot. I love you and I'm sorry. I-you seeing me like that last night, I guess I thought you would want to walk and if I push it wouldn't hurt so much."

"Casey, nothing is going to make me walk away from you. I promise, I'm in this for the long run, I thought you were too." Taking off the ring Casey had given her she asked, "Or does this mean nothing to you?"

"I meant everything I said, I want a life with you too. Forgive me, please?" Asked Casey.

"You are forgiven." Replied Alex with a small smile.

"You're to good to me." Replied Casey.

"I have a way you can make it up to me." Grinned Alex holding her hand out to Casey, leading her towards the bathroom and a steamy shower.

After their shower and a relaxing breakfast they decided to head out of the city and into a small town, as they wandered around hand in hand enjoying the sunshine. They talked about their childhoods, movies, books and art, ate lunch in a small restaurant and spent the afternoon wandering around an antiques market. Picking up some groceries and a bottle of wine they headed back to the boat and shared a leisurely dinner and easy conversation.

After tidying up from their meal they were laying on a blanket staring up at the stars an easy silence between them, "Do we have to go back?" Asked Alex as she leaned back against Casey.

"Well, we could sail off into the sunset, but I think you'd get bored." Smiled Casey pressing a kiss to the tip of Alex's nose.

Reaching up Alex ran a hand across Casey chest, smirking as Casey's nipples hardened at her touch, "Not with these to play with."

"Such a perv." Laughed Casey. "I'm going to be out of town for a couple of days next week."

"Bored of me already?" Asked Alex half joking, half afraid.

"Never." Smiled Casey.

Although she couldn't see Casey, Alex could sense her lovers sadness Alex asked, "Case?"

"Tuesday is...was Brooke's birthday. I want to go visit her and see her parents, make sure they know that I will never forget Brooke, that she will always be in my heart."

"That's very sweet."

"You don't mind?"

"You loved her and you always will, just as a bit of my heart will always belong to Jill. So, no I don't mind, in fact it reaffirms to me how amazing you are and just how lucky I am to be loved by you."

"Thank you, I do love you and I'm sorry for trying to push you away this morning." Whispered Casey.

"I love you too and I already told you you're forgiven, we all make mistakes." Replied Alex as they settled into relaxed silence, neither in a hurry to leave their little bubble.

"Are you ready for bed?" Asked Casey.

"Mmmm." Mumbled Alex in a sleepy voice. Chuckling quietly Casey blew out the candles and scooped Alex into her arms and carried her to bed where they spent the night reaffirming their love, falling asleep just as the sun rose.

-/-  
Monday morning Casey pulled up outside the Wills house, cutting the engine she took several deep breaths and fought the urge to turn and head back to the city, back to Alex. Before she could make a decision there was a light tap on the window, looking up she smiled at Angela Wills, stepping out of the car she was engulfed in a warm hug.

"Casey, what are you doing here?" Asked Angela.

"Hi Angela, I wanted to come and see you, it's been too long."

"Come on in, I'll make lemonade." Smiled Angela linking their arms.

Leaving Casey in the lounge Angela headed to the kitchen, as she looked around her eyes landed on a row of family pictures. Swallowing hard as she looked at the picture of Brooke in uniform and the folded flag stored in a shadow box underneath it, reaching out a shaking hand she lightly traced Brooke's smile and whispered, "I miss you."  
Hearing Angela come back into the room Casey forced a smile to her face as she took the glass of lemonade and took a seat on the couch, "How are you? How's Steven?"

"We're good, he retires at the end of the month and we are going to take the RV on a year long road trip. How are you? I saw the news is it true? Are you seeing that nice blonde lawyer."

"I'm doing okay. It's true...Angela I want you to know that even though I love Alex a part of my heart will always belong to Brooke she was...she is my first love." Whispered Casey.

"She would be pleased you've found someone, for a while when you first came back we thought we had lost both of you. It was clear in your eyes that a bit of you had died as well that day, I can see the spark has returned and I'm pleased for you." Seeing tears in Casey's eyes Angela sat next to her on the couch, taking her hand she asked, "What's really on your mind? You forget I've known you since you were a child, I can read you as easily as my own children, you should know that by now."

"Angela, I owe you an apology." Whispered Casey.

"Casey what happened over there it wasn't your fault." Replied Angela in a firm voice.

"Maybe. I actually meant afterwards, I let you down, I let Brooke down." Standing Casey walked to the window looking down at the garden remembering the lover she had lost and their first kiss under the tree, the first time they had made love in the summer-house and the last time they had been home when she sat on the porch with Steven and Angela asking their permission to marry Brooke. All those dreams gone in the blink of an eye.

"Casey?"

"Brooke's funeral...I couldn't go." Whispered Casey her eyes fixed on a cat slinking across the yard.

"You were recovering from horrendous injuries...oh, I see." Whispered Angela seeing the truth in Casey's eyes as she turned to face her.

"I'm so sorry, I couldn't...I couldn't bury her as if she was just...just a college. She was, will always be the love of my life. I'm so sorry. I spent the day drinking, I'm a disgrace and a disappointment." Whispered Casey tears rolling down her cheeks, "I failed Brooke...I should have saved her. It should have been me." Sobbed Casey.

"Casey.." Whispered Angela as she pulled Casey into her arms, the two of them sliding to the floor as they cried for the woman and the future they had lost. After about half an hour the two women wiped their eyes, "Go freshen up, I have something for you."

Heading to the bathroom Casey washed her face and pulled out her phone, looking down at the picture of Alex in a sailor's hat at the wheel of her boat, pulling up the message screen she typed,

'**Thank you for healing my heart and giving me a reason to live. I love you Alexandra and will by your side until the end of time. Xx'**

Tucking her phone into her pocket she knew Alex was in court all day so wouldn't be able to reply.

Heading back into the lounge she saw Angela looking out of the window, no doubt lost in her own memories, without turning she said, "She left this with me, made me promise if she...if something happened to her I would give it to you when you found someone new and not before."

Taking the letter Casey's hands were shaking, "We always said the other had to move on and have a life, until I met Alex I didn't believe that was possible."

"Do you know what gives me comfort? That yours was the last face she saw, yours was the last voice she heard. It might not be an accurate account of the events of the day but it eases my heart just a little to know she wasn't alone."

"The last thing I said to her was, 'I love you Sargent Wills.'" Smiled Casey.

Spending two hours reminiscing with Angela, Casey headed to the cemetery where Brooke was buried picking up the bunch of red roses she had brought, she walked towards Brooke's grave. Laying the flowers down she shrugged off her jacket and sat on it.

"Hi, I'm sorry it took me so long to come visit. I've met someone, her name is Alexandra Cabot she is amazing, she makes me want to live, she's a lawyer and a politician whose going to change the world. Abbie and Serena are still sickeningly happily married and their girls are adorable, who would have guessed Abbie Carmichael would have cute, well behaved children?" Pulling out Brooke's letter, "This better not make me cry." Said Casey with a soft laugh.

'_My Darling Casey,  
Hello my sweet girl, I'm sorry I'm not with you but know I'm proud of you and the person you have become. Even as I write this I pray you will never have to read it or that maybe, one day we will be sitting on out porch our grandchildren playing at out feet reading it together. If you are reading it then I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm not by your side but know I fought with everything I have to come home to you. Casey, know I have loved you from the minute you picked up my books when Carlos Parker knocked them to the ground in fifth grade. You have always been my protector, my friend, my lover and my life and it's life I want to talk to you about. I know you and I know that whatever the circumstances of my passing you're been blaming yourself, even if its old age and if my mum has done her job properly, you've met someone new and are I hope, happy. Casey, for so long I have imagined our life together, our home, our children and even our grandchildren, just because it's not with me it doesn't mean you shouldn't have those things, I want you to have those things. Please, my darling be happy, be loved and live a good life so that when we meet again we have things other than baseball to talk about.  
All my love, now, forever and always.  
Brooke. Xx'_

Casey was crying as she finished the letter, "Oh Brooke, I miss you, I miss you so much. I love you my darling and I always will. Sleep tight, until we meet again." Pressing a kiss to the tip of her fingers before pressing them to the stone, lingering for a few seconds she turned and walked back to her car, seeing a text from Alex she smiled as she read,

'**You saved me from a cold existence and I will love you until the end of time. Xx'**

Turning on the ignition Casey headed back towards the city, for the first time in a long time there was an absence of guilt in her heart, it was replaced with a hope for the future.


End file.
